By The Beachwood Resolution Trust
An exclusive report.
Richard M. Daley resolves to leave office peacefully after a long week of shredding.
Bill, John and Michael Daley resolve to help Richard shred.
Rahm Emanuel resolves to stay on on his meds until after the election is over.
Pat Quinn resolves to get a Viagra prescription to stiffen himself up.
Barack Obama resolves the same.
Michael Madigan resolves to not waver in his resolve.
Joe Berrios resolves to hire only relatives because no one else can be trusted.
Todd Stroger resolves to go to the gym twice a day now that he’s out of work.
Toni Preckwinkle resolves to sound smarter than Todd Stroger when asking for the exact same budget cuts.
James Meeks resolves to only hate on gays, women, Asians and Hispanics in the privacy of his own church.
Tony Peraica resolves to make a comeback in order to settle scores.
Jesse Jackson Jr. resolves to quit Congress and build that damn airport by himself.
Sandi Jackson resolves to visit her ward at least once a month.
Danny Davis resolves to get a cushy new job in exchange for dropping out of the mayor’s race.
Mark Kirk resolves to fact-check his past resolutions.
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Comments welcome.
Posted on December 31, 2010