By The Beachwood Runback Affairs Desk

Devin Hester vs. Dennis Hastert.
Hester – 50 yards in four seconds.
Hastert – 50 donuts in four seconds.
Hester – Comes from famously criminal program (Miami).
Hastert – Comes from famously criminal program (Congress).
Hester – Covers wide receivers.
Hastert – Would be a very wide receiver.
Hester – Isn’t good enough on defense.
Hastert – Isn’t good enough on defense.
Hester – Got rich playing a game.
Hastert – Got rich rigging the game.

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Posted on December 13, 2006

By Steve Rhodes

Just as you couldn’t count on the local press to adequately scrutinize Dennis Hastert when he was merely the frickin’ Speaker of the House and just a couple skipped heartbeats away from the presidency, the national press is still out front getting to the heart of the role of Hastert (and Illinois Rep. John Shimkus) in the Mark Foley congressional page scandal. The latest example comes from Vanity Fair, whose reporting reveals Hastert to be less than the lovable old wrestling coach the local media is in love with. But those who have been following Hastert’s career closely beyond the parochial press already know what a venal pol he is. Vanity Fair excerpts to follow.
And when it comes to Bill Beavers, well, nobody tells it like it is when it comes to Beavers than Beavers, as you will see in excerpts from his appearance last week on The Friday Night Show. Too bad the local press lost interest in Beavers – who in addition to his role as political fixer, opportunist, and first-rate hack is the city vice-chairman of the Cook County Democratic Party – before they even got started.
So let’s take a look at these stellar role models, and see what they’re teaching the kids.

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Posted on December 11, 2006

By The Beachwood Study Group

The Pentagon’s closely guarded review of how to improve the situation in Iraq has outlined three basic options: Send in more troops, shrink the force but stay longer, or pull out, according to senior defense officials. Insiders have dubbed the options “Go Big,” “Go Long” and “Go Home.”
– Washington Post, “Pentagon May Suggest Short-Term Buildup Leading to Iraq Exit“
The Beachwood Study Group has also developed some options.
* Go Chicago: Divide Iraq into 50 wards and install a strongman.
* Go the Distance: Wait for deceased smarter strategists to come out of the cornfields with a solution.
* Go Bears. Not good on the attack, but should be able to contain offensives inside the Green Zone.

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Posted on November 27, 2006

By Steve Rhodes

Rahm Emanuel is certainly the Man of the Hour in American politics at the moment – partly because he deserves to be and partly because he’s a pro at managing the media. Let’s take a look.
Architect of the Tribune
The Tribune called Emanuel “Architect of a Turnaround” on its front page on Sunday, promoting its special “insider” report recounting Emanuel’s role in last week’s takeover of the U.S. House as head of the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee. The Tribune got access to Emanuel for months in return for not publishing anything until after the election.
This was to Emanuel’s advantage, of course. Placing another reporter inside the operation of Democratic National Chairman Howard Dean would have produced a fuller report – and very different view of the campaign. Instead, we got “The House That Rahm Built.”
Not to diminish Emanuel’s considerable if repugnant political skills, but the hyperbole and spin is stifling. Let’s take a look.

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Posted on November 13, 2006

By Steve Rhodes

“President Bush and Rep. Nancy Pelosi, the likely speaker of the House, yesterday buried the hatchet – gently – as the two sat down for an Oval Office lunch after a vitriolic campaign that put Democrats in control of Congress for the first time in 12 years.”
– “Bush, Pelosi Look Ahead Over Lunch“
Bush: Thanks for coming.
Pelosi: Thanks for inviting me, Mr. President.
Bush: Would you like a corndog?

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Posted on November 9, 2006

By Steve Rhodes

Dear Beachwood:
I’m completely stumped on a few races.
I really want to send the Republicans in Congress a message, but it looks like all of the local races involve sending the Democrats a message. I’m torn. Voting Republican actually makes my skin crawl, although I’ve done it a few times in the past in extraordinary cases.
I’ve met Judy Baar Topinka a dozen times, but I just can’t get myself to vote for her. I won’t vote for Blago (didn’t last time either . . . I abstained, although I do like Pat Quinn. Should I vote for indictment? I’m leaning Green Party here, even though I know he can’t win.
As for Cook County Board . . . I can’t and won’t vote for Stroger . . . but a Republican? Is there a third choice? I’m leaning toward abstaining.
My congressman is Mark Kirk, who is a decent man (I’ve met him many times), but he voted for the Iraq War. I’m voting for Seals.
I can see why so many people don’t bother voting . . . and it’s not because we’re uneducated about politics. It’s because the more we learn, the less we want to vote.
Aaargh. Help us.
– Stumped and Torn
Dear Stumped and Torn:
Help is here.

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Posted on November 2, 2006

By Steve Rhodes

On September 21st, the Sun-Times editorial board was beside itself. “It was with some surprise – oh, let’s be honest and say our jaws dropped – to read that Mike Quigley, the reformer on the Cook County Board, the man who always questioned the way former president John Stroger did business, was throwing support to Stroger’s son, Todd, in his bid to become the next County Board president,” the board said that morning.
“One wonders about Quigley’s motives,” the board’s editorial continued, “particularly when he [says] he would look ‘ridiculous’ directly endorsing Stroger so he has sent him ‘the best and brightest’ of his staff . . . He adds that he hopes Stroger is being honest about wanting reform. Amen. It can only be said that politics makes strange bedfellows.”
The headline to the piece: “Is County Ready For This Kind of Reform?”
A month later, the Sun-Times editorial board endorsed . . . Todd Stroger.

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Posted on October 30, 2006

By Steve Rhodes

Make no mistake – despite the governor’s protestations and the unrealistic unmet expectations of some pundits who thought the governor would be personally implicated by now, the plea deal of Stuart Levine does not exonerate the governor. Far from it. Instead, federal investigators have closed the circle tighter around the governor

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Posted on October 30, 2006

Negative political ads will be on the air every second of every day between now and Election Day. Citizens are absorbing their messages.
Overheard in traffic
Woman: You can get in the next lane.
Man: I’m staying the course.
Woman: But this lane is at a standstill.
Man: I will not cut and run.
Woman: But see that orange flashing light up there . . . this lane closes in 500 feet. We need to change course.
Man: What kind of a message would that send to the troops repaving this highway?
Woman: How about we will not run you over?

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Posted on October 27, 2006

By Steve Rhodes

The governor was a no-show at the Chicago Tonight debate last night that he had previously agreed in writing to attend, and for that reason alone he should be turned out of office. His campaign aides assertion that his appearance was predicated on Judy Baar Topinka agreeing to other debates that weren’t held is disingenuous. This debate – sponsored by the City Club – was not a bargaining chip to be used to bully Topinka into the 10 debates the governor’s campaign wanted, as much as I would have liked to see that (and as much as I wouldn’t have wanted that foisted on anyone else).
There are some things you just do in a campaign, and in Illinois, when Chicago Tonight and the City Club schedule a gubernatorial debate as one of the closing campaign events down the stretch, you do it. To not do it is to show contempt for the public.
But then, Gov. Rod Blagojevich’s word isn’t worth a plug nickel. He is so distrusted among state legislators that they have come to demand “Memorandums of Understanding” to bind in writing the too-often unkept promises that come out of his mouth.

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Posted on October 27, 2006