By Steve Rhodes

Sarah Palin sure has accomplished one grand task: she’s unwittingly unmasked a bunch of hateful, elitist, sexist fools for the liberal posers that they are. Our next contestant: Roger Ebert. Let’s take a look.
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“Roger Ebert on Sarah Palin: The American Idol candidate.”
September 11, 2008
BY ROGER EBERT Sun-Times Movie Critic
I think I might be able to explain some of Sarah Palin’s appeal. She’s the American Idol candidate. Consider. What defines an American Idol finalist? They’re good-looking, work well on television, have a sunny personality, are fierce competitors, and so talented, why, they’re darned near the real thing. There’s a reason American Idol gets such high ratings. People identify with the contestants. They think, Hey, that could be me up there on that show!
COMMENT: But I thought Barack Obama was the American Idol candidate? Or is he just the Access Hollywood candidate? He’s been on so many celebrity shows and on so many magazine covers I forget. And I thought John McCain was the one who was out of touch with the electorate! Turns out Obama is the one working so hard to show he’s just folks!

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Posted on September 12, 2008

By Bob Barr and Ralph Nader

1. Atlanta, GA – Bob Barr, the Libertarian Party nominee for president, has invited GOP Congressman Ron Paul to be his running mate in the upcoming election. In a letter sent to Paul, Barr called Paul one of the “few American patriots” who exist in today’s society, and asked him to “seriously consider this final offer as an opportunity to show true, lasting leadership beyond party politics.”
Barr cited Paul’s 1987 letter to then-GOP Chairman Frank Fahrenkopf, in which Paul stated that, “after years of trying to work through the Republican Party both in and out of government . . . concluded that efforts must be carried on outside the Republican Party.”
Though recognizing Paul’s personal investment in the Republican Party and his recent attempts to reform the party from inside, Barr said he disagreed with Paul’s strategy. “Better options remain that will carry a message of liberty onto the ballot in November and beyond,” Barr stated, adding at a news conference called today at the National Press Club, that “change in politics and public policy in America cannot and will not be done from within the current, two-party system.”

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Posted on September 11, 2008

By Citizen Kate

Taking it to the streets.

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Posted on September 10, 2008

Fascism At Home

A St. Paul resident who wishes to remain anonymous answered a query from Beachwood HQ about protesters at the Republican National Convention there last week seen on TV breaking store windows and trampling on police cars. Were these just a bunch of idiots? How can we feel sympathetic to the mass arrests made? This was our source’s response.
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Yes there were people breaking stuff. But not 1,000 people doing so. which is how many people were arrested. This is bullshit. The Mpls. PD has been using this tactic on any kinds of protesters since the ’90s: You arrest everyone, EVERYONE who’s there, whether they’re actually committing “crimes” or not. Then you let them all go with tickets. It’s an insidious tactic aimed at stifling dissent and discouraging people from even showing up, which apparently is legal. Apparently you can arrest someone for just
showing up to yell about something. When did this become constitutional? When did it become OK for cops to detain you when you’re not breaking anything & you’re unarmed? I’ve NEVER seen that happen to anti-abortion nuts, who threaten people with death on sidewalks & who actually DO kill people.

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Posted on September 8, 2008

By The Beachwood Bob Barr Affairs Desk

Dear Friend,
I am sure you must be as angered as I am by the government take over of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. This taxpayer rip-off is guaranteed to cost you and me billions . . . and who is to benefit?
First and foremost, THE BANK OF CHINA. That’s right, the government bank in the People’s Republic of China. Among others, numerous countries in the Middle East and institutions around the world are also benefiting. Billions and billions are being sent overseas at our expense.
What do Senators McCain and Obama say about this government nationalization of our home lending system? They are both reported to be supportive.

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Posted on September 8, 2008

By Julia Gray

1. Gustav. With a name like this, there’s the possibility of a hellish pregnancy with lots of morning sickness, weight gain, swollen and unstable hemorrhoids, and a brutal labor of about 30 hours followed by a dull, press-free childhood.
2. Swayze. Sarah Palin looks like she once resembled one of the snooty guests at Kellerman’s who secretly lusted after Johnny Castle. Plus, naming the child Swayze will guarantee the cougar and gay-dancer vote.
3. Tab. With uncles named Track and Trig, Tab will fit right in either in Alaska or D.C. Plus, how cool would it be to be named after a once-considered deadly diet drink? Plus, the name Tab is very close to another strangely named and somewhat famous political son Tagg.

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Posted on September 3, 2008

By Steve Rhodes

A roundup about our potential hockey mom-in-chief.
The Palin Agenda
* Faith-based mukluk distribution program.
* Plan to convert Detroit’s auto industry to snowmobile production.
* Will drop the first puck instead of throwing out first ball.
* Stanley Cup to be housed in the White House Roosevelt Room.
* Supports transnational bison milk pipeline.
* Supports annexation of Canada to complete northern portion of Manifest Destiny.
* Supports subsidies to revive the Eskimo Pie industry.
* Alaska replaces Texas as the state you should not mess with.
* Just added: Free condoms for high school students!

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Posted on September 2, 2008

By Steve Rhodes

Notes from a convention.
The Speech
In a convention preview in the Tribune, Obama recalled his 2004 keynote speech: “I just sat in a hotel room watching a basketball game and wrote it up, most of it sort of in one sitting.”
Really? From a Chicago magazine article called “The Speech“:
“Obama labored over it for weeks, harvesting lines that he had already tested on Illinois crowds.”

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Posted on September 1, 2008

By Citizen Kate

Sure, the infamous presidential candidate questioned my drinking prowess, but he also added justice to my agenda.

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Posted on August 30, 2008

By The Beachwood McPain Affairs Desk

Cindy: Let’s order takeout, I’m starving.
John: I know a lot about starvation. I lived on a bowl of rice a day for five-and-a-half years.
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Cindy: C’mon, John, you’ve hogged the remote all night.
John: You’d hog the remote, too, if you had to live without one for five-and-a-half years.
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Cindy: John, how many times do I have to ask you to put the lid down?
John: If you had to use a hole in the ground for a toilet for five and a half years, you’d understand

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Posted on August 27, 2008