The Democrats, Episode 3
Once again the Beachwood’s crack team of analysts gathered at HQ to size up the candidates for leader of the free world – this time the Democrats meeting at Howard University in a forum focused on race. Andrew Kingsford, Tim Willette and Steve Rhodes provide the commentary.
*
Andrew: Look, there’s a white guy in the audience!
Steve: This is like bizarro debate.
*
Host Tavis Smiley begins speaking.
Steve: I’d like to say that as we speak, all whites are being rounded up . . .
Andrew: And put in cabs to Arizona.
*
Crowd shot of Cornel West.
Tim: Ever hear his record?
Andrew: He has a record?
Steve: It’s post-structuralist rap.
*
An African-American youth group of some sort wearing blue blazers and khakis is introduced.
Steve: Awww, don’t wear the white man’s tan pants!
*
Lost among the paralyzing effects of my delivery Chinese BBQ shrimp is who was speaking, but the person started to talk about the influence of Paul . . . Robeson.
Andrew: I thought he was gonna say Paul Bunyan.
Steve: I thought he was gonna say Paul Westerberg.
[Pause]
Steve: Paul Bunyan?
Andrew: I’m sorry.
*
. . . change the direction of the nation . . .
Andrew: From 90 degress to 91.5 degrees. North.
*
Is race still the most intractable issue in America?
Steve: Obama will say no, it’s cynicism.
*
Hillary: For anyone to assert that race is not a problem in America, the march is not over.
Steve: She just called out Neil Steinberg!
*
Bill Richardson makes his first appearance.
Andrew: Look at his tan!
Steve: He’s trying to pass.
Richardson: [blah blah blah]
Steve: He’s such a buzzkill.
Andrew: Will his tan go away in Iowa? Is it a spray-on?
Andrew: It’s like a minstrel show going on up there.
Edwards: [blah blah blah]
Tim: Race plays an enormous role in the problems faced by African Americans.
Obama: [blah blah blah]
Dice-K: . . . universal pre-kindergarten . . .
Tim: For all ages.
Dice-K: . . . constitutional amendment guaranteeing an equal education . . .
Steve: Kucinich is doing policy!
Dice-K: . . . move war resources to college education . . .
*
Gravel lambastes the war on drugs.
Andrew: It’s the craziest thing Crazy Guy has said!
*
Chris Dodd is speaking.
Steve: The Silver Fox. Hey, what’s Pate Philip doing up there?
Dodd: . . . something you have forever . . .
Andrew: And that is herpes.
Tim: What if you had shock treatment?
Andrew: For herpes?
Tim: For education. There are ways to remove education, like with a drill.
Andrew: Two words: Chinese jails.
*
The question is: “The unemployment rate for black high school graduates is higher than for white high school droputs. To what do you attribute this?” Virtually every candidate misses the point and calls for more education.
Tim: Education my ass. It’s about power.
Biden: We do not start school early enough.
Andrew: It should start at 7, not 9.
[blah blah blah]
Steve: They are missing the point. The black kids have graduated and they’re still not getting hired.
Richardson: . . . a minimum wage for teachers . . . [blah blah blah]
Steve: Oh is he awful.
Andrew: His tan is fucking out of hand.
Edwards: This issue of poverty in America is the cause of my life . . .
Steve: The question has nothing to do with poverty, teacher wages or achievement gaps; it’s about employment.
Andrew: The man’s hair does look good, though.
Obama: It starts from birth.
Tim: That’s really early childhood education!
Tim: We’re saying we should have a teacher in the delivery room.
Andrew: In the womb.
Tim: We should have teachers deliver the child.
Andrew: They should be delivered at school.
Obama: The reason for underperfromance . . . too many think it’s acceptable . . .
Steve: They have achieved! They’ve graduated high school! It’s the white kids who haven’t and they’re still getting the jobs!
Dice-K: Dr. King said . . . when there is war, two people suffer . . . the link between war, fear, poverty . . . shift paradigm away from war . . . resources for education.
Steve: Then maybe white kids will graduate too.
Crazy Guy: You’ve heard these nostrums before. You heard then 10 years ago, 20 years ago . . . the Democratic Party is not appreciably better than the Republicans . . . this will not be solved by your leaders.
Steve: Okay, that’s where he fell off the table.
Crazy Guy: . . . squandered in Iraq. The people on this stage are all guilty.
Silver Fox: I’ve been dedicated to this issue in the Senate. The key to the door is education.
Hillary: The American village has failed.
Tim: It takes a village of millions to hold us back.
Hillary: . . . discrimination in the workplace.
Steve: Yes! She answered the question.
*
The question is about AIDs prevention.
Richardson: [blah blah blah]
Andrew: Skin cancer is something that, er, oh, I’m sorry . . .
Edwards: [blah blah blah]
Andrew: God, he’s good looking. He’s like Dan Quayle is he was in Mensa.
Obama: [blah blah blah]
Dice-K: [blah blah blah]
Steve: Borrrrrrring.
Dice-K: We have to end for-profit medicine.
Steve: Oh, I like that.
Dice-K: Michael Moore is right about this, by theway.
Crazy Guy: Scourge is war on drugs.
Steve: The craziest people tell the most truth. The “pragmatists” lie. The realists are the most unreal.
Hillary: If HIV/AIDS were the leading cause of death among white women there would be an outrage in this country.
*
The question is about taxes and the rich.
Edwards: The family you are born into has a lot to do with your life.
Andrew: If your name is Bruce Wayne.
Obama: People aren’t looking for charity.
Tim: I wouldn’t mind a little.
Andrew: Yeah.
Tim: Can I borrow a dollar?
*
Obama: Katrina.
Kucinich: End war as an instrument of policy.
Gravel: Wipe out the income tax. It is corrupt. It is corrupting our society . . . retail sales tax. Everybody knows what everybody else is paying.
Andrew: That’s why we call him the Crazy Guy. He says something crazy every now and then.
Dodd: . . . get back to the Clinton days . . .
Steve: So vote for Hillary.
Hillary: . . . it’s the payroll tax plus the income tax, and when you cut of contributions at $99,000 . . .
Richardson: [blah blah blah]
Tavis Smiley tries to cut him off.
Richarson: I’m almost finished.
Tim: You’re almost finished? Put it on your blog.
*
The question is about the black arrest rate.
Obama: The crimnal justice system is not color-blind. It does not work for all people . . . I’ve got track record on the state level – racial profiling legislation . . . against wrongful convictions . . . requires political courage, you’ll be accused of being soft on crime.
Steve: By Kirk Dillard!
Kucinich: End mandatory miniumums . . . rehab for drugs, not into incarceration . . . end the federal death penalty . . .
Gravel: Is it a surprise to anyone in this room that if you don’t have any money you don’t get any justice?
Dodd: End mandatory minimums . . . eliminate distinction between crack and coke . . . a justice department that is not politicized.
Hillary: End racial profiling . . . mandatory minimums may be appropriate for certain violent crimes; diversions . . . drug courts . . . non-violent offenders . . .end distinction between crack and powder cocaine . . .
Richardson: [blah blah blah]
Steve:Oh please! Snooze!
Richardson: We need a strategy to deal with poverty.
SR: He doesn’t know where to go with this.
Tim: It’s not just poverty, it’s racism. There are more poor white people than black people.
Andrew: He’s got sunstroke.
*
The question is about a federal right of return to New Orleans.
Huh?
*
Hillary: I have proposed a 10-point Gulf Coast Recovery Program. Get the hospitals up, law enforcement, fire departments . . . almost criminal indifference to rebuilding . . . even if you give people a right to return, there’s nothing to return to . . .
Biden: The U.S. Constitution should be sufficient.
Steve: Oh Joe Biden, I’m so over you.
Richardson: Put FEMA under the president.
Andrew: Yeah, that would’ve made a difference.
*
The question is about outsourcing.
Tim: Batter up!
Gravel: Outsourcing is not the problem. What is the problem are the trade agreements we have . . .
Hillary: End tax breaks for outsourcing; enforce labor and environmental standards in our trade agreements; help Americans compete . . . find new sources of jobs – clean energy would generate millions more.
Edwards: Eliminating tax breaks is not gonna keep jos here in America. You have to make it more attractive to have jobs here . . . get rid of employer health care.
Richardson: I will establish 250 science and math academies . . .
Steve: Who are you, Mayor Daley?
Edwards: My father worked in a mill . . .
Obama: . . .working with churches . . .
Kucinich: Cancel NAFTA.
*
The question is about Darfur/
Dodd: As a result of Iraq, we have lost our moral authority. We should be able to take unilateral action.
Hillary: Three things: Move peacekeeprs into Sudan . . . [I missed the second[ and establish a no-fly zone over Sudan.
Biden: I’ve been talking for three years.
Richardson: No fly-zone . . . sanctions . . . blah blah blah.
Edwards: . . .. the bigger question is about America as a force for good in the world . . . primary education for everyone . . .
Obama: No-fly zone . . . protective force . . .
Kucinich: Stop looking at Africa as a place where our corporations can exploit the people. If Darfur had a large source of oil, we’d be occupying it today.
Steve: He says what Obama won’t.
Gravel: The president has to have moral judgement. Most people on this stage with me do not have that, and they’ve proven it.
Steve: He’s right.
*
Analysis: Hillary won. She has a command of the issues, policy proscriptions for each, she thinks on her feet and answers the questions. Edwards placed second with his strong emotional appeals. Obama was just kind of there, always wanting to re-frame the questions away from policy to philosophical discussions about the way we frame the questions. Biden was a bit unhinged. Dodd must be running for vice-president. His candidacy makes no sense. Richardson is shockingly bad for a guy with the best resume for the job. Kucinich and Gravel will get nowhere speaking truths no one else dares to speak.
–
Previously in the series
– The Democrats: Episode 1.
– The Republicans: Episode 1.
– The Republicans: Episode 2.
– The Democrats: Episode 2.
– The Republicans: Episode 3.
Posted on June 29, 2007