By Steve Rhodes
From the peanut gallery, day one. All quotes are real*.
BLAGO: I’m Rod Blagojevich. I used to be your governor.
RHODES: Before I was impeached.
*
BLAGO: I’m here today to tell you the truth.
RHODES: Patti did it.
*
BLAGO: I’ve waited two-and-a-half years to get the truth out.
RHODES: And I’ve kept my mouth shut the entire time.
*
BLAGO: I’m an effing jerk.
RHODES: Government will stipulate.
*
BLAGO: I had a man-crush on Alexander Hamilton.
RHODES: He’s on the $10 bill, you know.
*
BLAGO: You can dream and not make dreams your master.
RHODES: Oprah told me that. And then I tried to shake the bitch down.
*
BLAGO: I think I was the only governor of 50 who could spin a basketball on all five fingers of his right hand.
RHODES: The other governors only needed one finger.
*
BLAGO: The beautiful thing about my dad was he always had big dreams. I think I picked up my dad’s propensity to dream.
RHODES: That’s why I slept so much as governor instead of reporting to work.
*
BLAGO: I’m a product of the disco era, when a hairbrush is an extension of your right hand.
RHODES: I think I was the only governor of 50 who could spin a hairbrush on all five fingers.
*
BLAGO: I can’t say I came out of law school knowing much about law.
RHODES: And yet Eddie Vrdolyak hired me anyway! True story. But I really can’t say I came out of Eddie’s office knowing much about law. Or the Cook County State’s Attorney’s Office. Or the state legislature. Or the U.S. Congress. So I really didn’t know that what I was doing as governor was illegal.
*
BLAGO: I wish I would’ve stayed that night [when my dad died].
RHODES: But I had a fundraiser to get to.
*
BLAGO: I really liked Jesse Jackson Jr. in the beginning.
RHODES: When I thought he could be bought.
*
BLAGO: I was really close to his family.
RHODES: From The Governor: I didn’t know his father. I met him once at the airport and introduced myself as a congressman who worked with his son. He couldn’t have cared less and acted like he didn’t have the time of day for me.
*
BLAGO: God bless you [to sneezing juror].
RHODES: That’s Serbian for ‘please hold out.’
*
BLAGO: I deserved an F not an F-minus from the NRA.
RHODES: It was law school all over again.
*
BLAGO: I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life. I believe deep in my heart that I did follow the oath.
RHODES: To Satan.
*
BLAGO: I didn’t do it.
RHODES: Nobody did.
* Sources for Blago quotes: @natashakorecki, @Msjournalist, @StacyStClair and AP.
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Comments welcome.
Posted on May 27, 2011