By The Beachwood Study Group
The Pentagon’s closely guarded review of how to improve the situation in Iraq has outlined three basic options: Send in more troops, shrink the force but stay longer, or pull out, according to senior defense officials. Insiders have dubbed the options “Go Big,” “Go Long” and “Go Home.”
– Washington Post, “Pentagon May Suggest Short-Term Buildup Leading to Iraq Exit“
The Beachwood Study Group has also developed some options.
* Go Chicago: Divide Iraq into 50 wards and install a strongman.
* Go the Distance: Wait for deceased smarter strategists to come out of the cornfields with a solution.
* Go Bears. Not good on the attack, but should be able to contain offensives inside the Green Zone.
* Go Fuck Yourself: Send Dick Cheney to verbally assault.
* Go Your Own Way: Send in Fleetwood Mac. If they can overcome their differences to reunite, imagine what they can do to help settle sectarian differences.
* GO.com: Bring sects together with ugly, conglomerated website.
* The Go Team + OK Go = First Annual Baghdad Rock Festival.
* GoDaddy: First militia to go a month without killing anyone wins free domain name with hosting.
* Go Wild: Baghdad is beset with beer-soaked, bleach-blonde women hell-bent on removing all of their clothing. A team of “videographers” records the events “for posterity.”
* Go West, Young Man: Attack Syria instead.
* Go Lightly: Sneak out in the middle of the night, possibly with the help of David Blaine.
* Do Not Pass Go: A national Monopoly turnout to determine property ownership.
* Consider: Perhaps we have a growing problem, not a going problem.
* Gomentum: Send Joe Lieberman on a fact-finding mission – to Kazakhstan.
* Go Under: What we’re doing now.
– Scott Gordon, Rick Kaempfer, Steve Rhodes
Posted on November 27, 2006