By The Beachwood Stimulus Affairs Desk
How the president plans to get America working again.
* Put more engravers to work by demanding the Fed print more money.
* Double the number of advertising and marketing professionals working on his re-election campaign.
* Finally close that trade deal with Papau New Guinea.
* Support the service industry on Martha’s Vineyard by vacationing there more.
* Put more lawyers to work by passing tax reform full of loopholes.
* Hire Groupon’s accountants to turn the deficit into a surplus with the turn of a phrase.
* Switch America’s garbage pick-up to a grid system.
* Expand the NFL to 60 teams.
* Create a dozen new commissions to study the economy.
* Massive subsidies to the American arugula industry.
* Fund a federal works program that will hire thousands to destroy all remnants of campaign promises from 2008.
* Convert country to the metric system.
* Start taxing churches; stop taxing booze, cigarettes and gas.
* Put all of America’s cash into gold.
* Fake an alien attack.
* Fund a public works program building fake fake Chinese Apple stores.
* Fund a construction program building more prisons for corporate criminals. Just kidding!
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Comments welcome.
Posted on August 19, 2011