By The Beachwood Obit Affairs Desk
James Brown vs. Gerald Ford.
Brown: Sex Machine
Ford: Golf Machine
Brown: Feels good.
Ford: Feels wood.
Brown: Exorcised demons.
Ford: Pardoned a demon.
Brown: Godfather of soul.
Ford: Godfather of man without a soul.
Brown: Black and proud.
Ford: White and right.
Brown: Laid foundation for rap.
Ford: Let Nixon beat the rap.
Brown: Tried to whip up a frenzy.
Ford: Tried to whip inflation.
Brown: Worked the chitlin’ circuit.
Ford: Worked the speaking circuit.
Brown: Papa’s Got a Brand New Bag.
Ford: Papa’s Got a Brand New Golf Bag.
Brown: In the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Ford: In the Colorado Ski Hall of Fame.
Brown: Warrants commissioned.
Ford: Warren Commission.
Brown: Prison for two years in 80s.
Ford: President for two years in 70s.
Brown: High-speed chase after fighting with his wife.
Ford: High-profile rehab named after his wife.
Brown: Get Up Offa That Thing!
Ford: Get Up Offa The Ground!
Brown: Celebrity hot tub.
Ford: Celebrity golf club.
Brown: Wore a dashiki.
Ford: Threatened by Squeaky.
– Steve Rhodes, Rick Kaempfer, Bethany Lankin, Marty Gangler
Posted on December 27, 2006