By David Rutter
1. JoePa and State Pen U, WTF?
Tell yourself as you click your heels together. Football is just a game. Foot . . . ball . . . is . . . just . . . a . . . game.
On the theory that Joe Paterno has been in a jet that has flown over Chicago, we are going to appropriate this story.
First, to prove that Paterno is a noble man and Penn State is a lofty fortress of thinking, 2,000 students riot. Okay, I’m convinced.
Second, if you’ve ever wondered what it means that college sports has gotten bigger than the universities that sponsor them, consider that they will still play the Nebraska-Penn State game this Saturday because, well, it’s important. So, so important. Raped children? Coverup? That’s too bad, but it can’t be allowed to interfere with the higher purpose. Penn State is not shamed into deep mourning and contemplation; it’s just “managing” the controversy.
2. Faisal Khan, WTF?
Could there possibly be a more useless exercise than this puerile silliness?
No staff, no ability to grant anonymity and $60,000 a year, which is about what Ald. Dick Mell’s driver makes.
Why would a person even take this humiliating eunuch-in-residence job, one defined clearly as sit-there-and-be-quiet? Oh. I forgot. He’s a lawyer.
Speaking of shams, the Chicago Board of Ethics, which will tell Khan what he can investigate, has a YouTube instructional video about how to be ethical.
The chairman apparently is Sergeant Schultz.
3. Ron Paul, WTF?
The Tribune says the state’s GOP decided to conduct a canine-and-equine straw poll for the presidential nomination as a way to give itself more electoral pizzazz and relevance.
But then they let Crazy Uncle Charlie win the vote.
Ron Paul seems less crazy these days only because he’s consistent in his nuttiness, and he’s not quite as bat-bleep crazy as Herman Cain. Where’s Lyndon LaRouche when you need crazy?
No worry; it was the standard election process in which money buys the candidate. It was cheap, too. Only $5 per ballot.
GOP chief buzz builder Tom Cross even told folks, inaccurately as it developed, they could vote as often as they wanted if they paid more, so it would be even more like a real election – except for the part about Ron Paul being allowed to win.
4. Kara Spak, WTF?
Maybe this is the only way for reporters to make a buck these days. She was recently promoted to Senior Staff Saucy Wench at the Sun-Times. No raise, of course.
5. John L. Wilson Jr., WTF?
This guy makes WTF wistful for the good old days when we fried pond scum on the electrical hot seat.
And though we have no philosophical affection for capital punishment, sometimes barbarism can be emotionally satisfying and useful because it cleans out the gene pool.
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Comments welcome.
Posted on November 11, 2011