By David Rutter
1. Sara Lee, WTF?
WTF’s bullshit meter was wailing aplenty this week with word from Sara Lee’s boss sodium sifter Christopher J. Fraleigh who apparently managed an entire speech on the health effects of Sara Lee products without ever coming close to a true statement.
His basic theory is that President Obama is making his life hell by requiring Sara Lee products to contain less sodium. The horror.
Sara Lee’s new corporate motto – “Fatter Kids; Fatter Profits” – was not in evidence in this particular dog-and-pony exhibit.
Fraleigh apparently believes that corporate junk food advertising aimed specifically at children is a good thing when done “the right way.” Of course, mostly it’s a societal carcinogenic lump that should dispatch some swell-suited guys to hell as soon as the express bus arrives.
But we’re not enlightened enough to hold people with real power really accountable. Good thing there’s a God.
Think of this as a moral concept: Grownups paying other grownups to find a way to psych-trick children into becoming sodium addicts. What a great country.
2. CEO pay, WTF?
And speaking of people who need a raise, consider this list from The Atlantic of CEOs who make more than their companies pay in federal taxes.
Some local fat felines:
* Motorola Mobility’s Sanjay Jha, who makes $13,016,126. Mobility’s federal tax bill was $12 million. Now that’s Google’s problem.
* Boeing’s Jim McNerney, who took home $13,768,019 for a company that paid $13 million.
* Aon’s Gregory Case, who got $20,783,301 for a company that paid $16 million in corporate taxes.
Coincidentally, WTF has ever been quite sure what Aon does and, when we looked at their corporate website, we still couldn’t quite tell. We think it’s a cross between Enron and the management company that operates the village in The Prisoner.
WTF is not sure quite why, but this seems somehow so strange and disquieting. He is No. 6.
3. The Miner/Garrity family from hell, WTF?
WTF would suppose this proves that everything is not perfectly perfect in the Perfectly Wonderful Land of Horse Country.
What kind of place breeds this stunning level of moral vapidity, and does this issue actually require more than five minutes in front of a real judge?
Based on the premise of this lawsuit, WTF would have faced the death penalty for his parenting skills, and probably deserved it.
But we also think civil courts need bouncers for these cases. Like a Laurel and Hardy episode where The Boys are picked up by their collars by several large, dour men and tossed out the door onto their chins. WTF just hates the 21st century.
4. North Chicago, WTF?
Almost anyone who has had official dealings with this city knows to check their fingers after any handshake to make sure they are all still there.
In North Chicago, the socio-economic gumbo is a spoonful short of a full recipe – too little real industry and commerce which means public officials tend to be attracted to flimflam.
This all is fallout from the only real industry in town, the Great Lakes Naval Training Base, putting the kibosh on local hookers, the only other viable industry there.
North Chicago is the North Shore version of Gary when it comes to banana republicanism. Away from the shoreline, Illinois has a fuller volume of strong candidates – Country Club Hills and Crestwood come to mind.
5. Hail, Cicero, WTF?
Of course, the suburbs are the suburbs. If you want traditional, old-time Chicago political skunkery, there’s always good ol’ Cicero for inspiration.
In Cicero, even the hot dogs are connected.
Of the $120,000 spent there on wired-in City Hall-approved hotdogs, we especially are captivated by the $3,000 bill detailing ‘dogs purchased for a “dignitary reception.”
Cicero has dignitary receptions? Who knew?
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Comments welcome.
Posted on September 2, 2011