By David Rutter
1. The Tiawanda Moore Case, WTF?
As legal case to be prosecuted, this was always a stinky bag of horse hockey.
So why prosecute a case so ripe with the likelihood of jury nullification? No valid excuse except that this verdict makes it almost impossible that another Illinois citizen will be prosecuted this way again.
It also suggests that the Chicago police Internal Affairs Division seems just as much interested in thwarting investigations of police conduct as it does in pursuing them. Once the jury heard the tape, the law would not matter to a jury.
Hail, Tiawanda.
2. Michael Madigan, WTF?
We think Michael Madigan goes out of his way to snub the governor because he thinks the guv is a schlub.
Besides, even WTF knows it’s more fun to drink good Scotch with Republicans at a posh fundraiser than eat corndogs with Dems at the State Fair.
As for bypassing chats with the president, Madigan is the powerful crown prince of Illinois politics, and crown princes grow weary of bowing before the king.
3. Valpo Cookie Lady, WTF?
Ever have one of those unscripted events in your life that changes your perspective forever? WTF loves Oreo cookies, but we have been unable to eat an Oreo ever since we saw this news.
As for “severely damaging the toilet,” we don’t even want to think about what that might mean.
4. Getting Old, WTF?
Might as well fess up. WTF is old. Not Betty White old, but really old. Sort of old like this.
WTF remembers when Kirstie Alley was hot. WTF remembers when Betty White was hot, for crying out loud.
We even remember when we were so disillusioned by a politician that we promised we’d never again be hornswoggled into such useless enthusiasms. Oops, wait a sec. That was Obama.
5. Take my Pacer, please, WTF?
Car thieves still steal cars it’s an old-fashioned American cultural tradition – but time marches onward, even for punks. So now they don’t actually drive off with the vehicle; they prefer to steal accessories and fancy wheels. We’d call this a statistical anomaly. These “car theft” statistics are somewhat ass-kew because stealing part of a car does not meet WTF’s very strict definition of car pilferage.
As for Escalades being the No.1 target, we say good. This Caddy varietal is a useless testament to conspicuous consumption of chrome. You drive that piece of junk and you deserve to have it stolen. At least get a Mercedes.
By the way, WTF drives a ’62 Pacer that runs on vegetable oil. Its wheels are mostly round.
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Comments welcome.
Posted on August 26, 2011