By David Rutter
1. The Adelmans, WTF?
Sorry, son, that I claimed you stole $2.5 million from me. I meant to say 25 cents. I was just pissed at you.
2. Emil Jones, WTF?
If we’re reading this right, and WTF is pretty good at book larnin’, it appears the new head of the Illinois Sports Facilities Authority doesn’t have a clear idea what the agency does but, in the best spirit of Illinois politics, will try to figure it all out.
Yes, that Emil Jones, the one who loaned the governor’s campaign $350,000. No direct pay but he gets his “expenses” paid. WTF bets he never pays for Cellular Field tickets or hotdogs again.
As for Quinn (D-Doofus), his crusade to fill in the post-Blago political slime pit appears to have struck yet another moral speed bump.
3. Geography, WTF?
The areas of our national bafflement pretty much run the full spectrum of human knowledge, or, as in this case, human ignorance. Not only are we briskly headed toward a point in history where we don’t know where we came from, or where we’re going, we don’t even know where we are.
4. The Fielders of Weird Dreams, WTF?
In the very odd little town of Zion, minor league baseball is not going so well.
Kevin Costner put his name to the team there, but apparently not his cash. Even pro players in a Z league want to get paid.
But they have grass that glows in the dark courtesy of the town’s most famous landmark, the nearby decommissioned nuke plant. The starting centerfielder grew an extra spleen last week which saves on radiation treatments.
5. Tricia Dohr, WTF?
Drunken drivers generally aren’t amusing, but there are exceptions as when they crash into homes.
Okay, so the sleeping resident was injured while being catapulted into a TV set. But you have to admit, it has a little Belushi to it.
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Comments welcome.
Posted on July 22, 2011