By David Rutter
1. Blago pundits, WTF?
Based on our powers of addition, the lame “it sent a message” cliche was the most used by local politicos after the Blago verdict. We counted it 17 times in print. Also the “message” was often underlined, which happens on a computer screen when your finger accidentally hits the “U” button.
That phrase was followed by “It was a sad day,” “We feel sorry for the family,” and “No one is above the law” – and then some variation of “Now we all can move on.” As if we hadn’t.
If nothing else, the case proved at least in this one instance that a jury of normal citizens is way smarter in so many meaningful ways than all the local TV troglodytes making six figure salaries. The trogs told us how profoundly inscrutable the case was. A jury understood criminal conspiracy just fine, even if local media didn’t. A jury understood George Ryan, too.
Just never let a local TV anchor serve on a jury.
On the question of how long Blago will be imprisoned, the “conventional wisdom” of people who have shown no particular wisdom is 10 years. WTF thinks it will be more but he’ll be paroled earlier because federal prison officials will find him too irritating to keep.
2. Pat Quinn (D-Doofus) on Blago, WTF?
WTF’s cryptoanalytical codebreakers will translate.
“[It’s] a serious day for our state.” (WTF draws a blank on that one). [It] underlines, I think for every person in Illinois, (even babies) the importance of reforming our government on a daily basis from top to bottom (but definitely more the bottom than top).
“I got sworn in on Jan. 29, 2009, (they had to, I was the lieutenant governor) and that’s exactly what I’ve tried to do every day I’ve been in office (like that redistricting thingy). “This is my mission, (I am Seal Team 6) to reform our government, so we do not have governors going to jail (because I’m next in line).
“We need to have an ethics initiative to make sure that the people are consulted with respect to honesty (LSD hallucination alert) in government (just don’t tell Madigan) and ethics and integrity in government (why wasn’t I consulted?).
“Asked if he owed voters an apology for vouching for Blagojevich, Quinn said he was ‘deceived and misled’ but prefers to look to the future instead of the past (because the future is, you know, in the future and the future is not my fault, yet.).
“I think Rod Blagojevich deceived and misled lots and lots (also lots) of people in Illinois, the voters included (all the people who didn’t vote for him were fooled, too, but mostly Madigan). And I think we learned that through this trial and the actions of the jury (he means the guilty verdict) that he has committed some serious crimes (really bad crimes) and will have to pay (lots of money to his future cellmate, Bubba) for that (until the trial, I knew nothing. Nothing. I was in Iowa the entire time).
“It should be an alarm bell (somebody get that damn bell) to all of us in Illinois, in government and outside of government, (sort of, like, you know, everywhere) to work together to strengthen our democracy (drawing a total blank on that one, too).”
3. Kelly Krapf, WTF?
It might seem as though the governor is tone deaf. He’s not. Helen Keller was tone deaf. He is deaf the way dead people are deaf.
You can’t – that’s can not – read that story without bursting into hysterical laughter.
First, only this Guv would have a spokeswoman with a fake TV name. Her real name is Krapf but apparently there is no Smuckers TV news version of “with a name like Krapf she has to be good.”
She gets $71,000 to be a junior flak (it’s your money, Mr. and Mrs. Taxpayer) and now $30,000 more to be a financial something-or-other. Another spokesmodel announced Krapf deserved this raise because, as a local TV reporter, she once had talked with someone who knew something about finances. Expertise by osmosis.
WTF knows several surgeons though we have not been invited into the operating room to assist.
Earth to Quinn: We are a broke state. We like a laugh as well as the next person, but this is too high a price to pay for fiscal comedy.
4. Stephen Colbert, WTF?
Does it say something about our political situation when a fake candidate seems like the best choice for president? The federal government says he’s good to go. The bandwagon is warming up as we speak.
Okay, so isn’t this just a dumb idea with an absurdist comedic twist? There are people who will vote for Michelle Bachmann because Sarah Palin isn’t running. Fake doesn’t seem like the applicable standard anymore.
5. Missing Conrad Black, WTF?
No reason for any sentimentality about the “good old days” of Conrad Black and David Radler when they ran the Sun-Times group as a pirate empire – A-VAST me Hearties – so we’re glad he’s going back in the fed calaboose.
On the other hand, strictly from an empirical economic assessment, those years may have reflected better Sun-Times management than any time since then.
In the current iteration, layoffs continue unabated’ senior executive editor from one of the suburban farm teams will walk the plank this week, and more likely will follow.
As to the bad old days with Black and Radler compared with now, at least the pirates weren’t personally ignorant.
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Comments welcome.
Posted on July 1, 2011