1. Pat Quinn, WTF?
The one thing you can say about Gov. Pat Quinn (D-Doofus): Skilled politicians are always adept at open field camouflage, but Quinn is just not good enough at it to be effectively crooked.
That means that whenever he is tempted to evildoing, you’re likely to see it.
Here’s the operative sequence in this case: A way-too-easy connect-the-dots payoff to a voter-jettisoned legislator; a fat salary, a quid pro my tax increase; surviving legislators smell Quinn’s large stinky feet; paid-off legislator withdraws because the way to confirmation is blocked; everybody says it was all coincidence.
The comic-relief saving grace of Quinn’s Alphonse to Careen Gordon’s Gaston is that, when faced with making an explanation, she pointed to the governor: Ask him. There’s always room under the bus.
We have years ahead of more political Gilbert and Sullivan. WTF can hardly wait.
2. St. Patrick’s Day, WTF?
WTF is Irish.
McGlone blood flows through us. Angry McGlone blood.
So listen, and listen clear.
WTF hates St. Patrick’s Day, the green-faced minstrel show put on to make everyone think the Irish are light-hearted, wannabe leprechauns. The Irish aren’t “Finian’s Rainbow” and Lucky Charms. We remember how things were in Glocca Morra. We were starving while we fed the British. We came here in steerage. We washed your clothes and cooked your meals. We fought your wars. Most of Custer’s 7th was us. Given the choice, we’d have taken Crazy Horse’s side. Army potatoes sustained us when ours were taken.
Sorry. Real Irish are sad, angry and contused by history. Green beer? Don’t be daft. We always drink whiskey alone, if you’d have the common decency to not bother us.
3. Stroger Hospital, WTF?
While it’s obvious why hiring incompetent thugs as hospital police is by definition a patronage job – who else would hire them? – should you actually let a cardiologist at this hospital treat you?
Even incompetent jackboots need a place to work; what’s the cardiologist’s excuse?
4. Solid Waste Agency of Northern Cook County, WTF?
For those of us WTFers who worked our entire lives but are fans of hoodwinking, this questions the wisdom of working for a living.
If it’s actually this easy to steal, no need to actually work. It’s a solid waste.
Sure, the guy who ran the Solid Waste Agency of Northern Cook County got caught (apparently he got bored with being careful) but not before his employer failed to notice he spent $850,000 for “waste treatment management education.” He just took the money, not the education. This expenditure only makes sense at the Todd Stroger School of Management.
Not to deride the value of solid waste management, but Skokie Mayor and Solid Waste Guy in Charge of Watching The Money George Van Dusen said, according to the Trib. “the agency has since changed internal procedures to guard against similar problems.”
Changed procedures? From what to effing what?
For $850,000, you could send the entire Osmond Family to Harvard.
5. Harry Teinowitz, WTF?stupendously stupid as ESPN radio personality Harry Teinowitz was on March 4.
We have never seen it reported that a DUI field sobriety test had to be suspended for fear the suspect was so stoned that he would injure himself if the procedure proceeded.
Plus, “Call the mayor of Skokie; don’t you know who I am?” didn’t work either.
ESPN is a Disney property. Even though Walt is dead, he still is not amused by pot exploits.
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Comments welcome.
Posted on March 18, 2011