By The Beachwood 1% Affairs Desk
Got questions about the Chicago Merc holiday party? We’ve got answers.
* Black tie not required but golden parachutes suggested.
* Rahm Emanuel bobbleheads to the first 100 guests.
* Don’t forget to sell tip futures to your bartenders.
* On the menu: Pork bellies served in pork barrels.
* Party will be moved to either Wisconsin or Indiana unless Illinois taxpayers agree to cover CME’s bar tab for the evening.
* No mistletoe; please exchange holiday kisses under replicas of Pat Quinn’s balls.
* Warning: Our parking valets do not look like Guy Fawkes.
* Remember: Class war is tax-deductible and therefore encouraged.
* MF Global funds can be left in an envelope in the cloakroom, no questions asked.
* Party attendance represents a legal contract releasing the exchange from liability for all future or past trading anomalies, broadly defined.
* Sorry, but it’s BYOC(oke).
* Sears employees trying to crash the party will be turned away at the door.
* Please gather at the windows on the LaSalle Street side at midnight for the McDonald’s Application Drop.
* Those whose net worth drops below eight figures at any point in the evening will be asked to leave.
– Nick Shreders, J.J. Tindall, Thomas Chambers, Matt Farmer, Steve Rhodes
Comments welcome.
Posted on December 6, 2011