By Zay N. Smith
Happy (QT offers this statement without representation or warranty as to the effects or repercussions thereof upon any and all persons who might elect to celebrate the holiday as represented therein and with the understanding that any persons taking such actions without such representation or warranty do so with the express understanding that they have agreed to indemnify and hold QT harmless from the effects thereof) Thanksgiving!
News Headline: “Santa Monica can block Christmas Nativity displays, judge rules.”
No word yet on plans to rename the city Holiday Monica.
Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Fla.) avoiding a question on how old Earth is:
“I’m not a scientist, man.”
The Old Testament notwithstanding, Earth is about 4.5 billion years old.
QT can say this because it isn’t a dunderhead, man.
News Item: “Ford introduced its 2014 transit connect wagon in a news conference. . . .”
When did minivans become transit connect wagons, and when can we have minivans back?
And T.N., an Oak Lawn reader, wants to know when the local paintball park become a “scenario field,” and when can we have paintball parks back?
And. . . .
From a Comcast movie description:
“. . . pulse-pounding thriller set against the backdrop of Scotland’s drug-fueled dance scene. . . .”
And add drug-fueled dance scenes to the list of things that aren’t what they used to be.
Jack Finarelli, a Falls Church, Va., reader, regarding QT’s wondering, if a group of larks is an exaltation of larks and a group of turkeys is a gang of turkeys, what a group of politicians should be called, writes that we already have the answer:
A group of politicians is a gang of turkeys.
Issue settled.
News Headline: “New markets, TV money driving Big Ten talks.”
News Headline: “Big Ten expansion: How adding Maryland, Rutgers affects TV markets.”
News Headline: “For Big Ten, money trumps tradition.”
The Legends Division and Leaders Division don’t seem a good fit for the Big Ten anymore.
Maybe the Cash Division and the Carry Division. . . .
News Headline: “Great recipes using peta bread!”
But don’t try to serve it on the same table with the turkey.
QT News You Can Use:
+ The Rapture Index , which measures the progression of end-time prophecy according to world events, rose this week to a record high of 186.
+ The number of Google hits for “tap-dancing militant Islamic fundamentalists” has doubled in recent weeks to a record 2,140, in what may be a coincidence.
News Headline: “Drug tests for Texas welfare and unemployment applicants?”
The thing about Texans is that they can’t seem to get enough government regulation.
News Headline: “Kim Kardashian books trip to Middle East.”
News Headline: “Paris Hilton opens fashion store in Mecca.”
Sometimes outrage in the Muslim world makes some sense.
It has been 1,983 days, by the way, since Paris Hilton announced she would be leaving public life.
Not that anyone is counting
QT Early Warning System:
Nine days remain until National Stress-Free Family Holidays Month.
From the QT Archive of Knowledge:
+ The thing beneath the turkey’s beak is the wattle.
+ The thing above the beak is a snood.
Happy Thanksgiving!
News Headline: “Travelers getting ready for Thanksgiving.”
The Transportation Security Administration warns that airline passengers will not be allowed to board with ice picks, meat cleavers, sabers, swords, baseball bats, bows and arrows, firearms, axes, cattle prods, crowbars, saws, billy clubs, black jacks, brass knuckles, pepper spray, nunchucks, blasting caps, dynamite, plastic explosives. . . .
Happy Thanksgiving!
QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
News Item: “. . . chomping at the bit for Thanksgiving to get here. . . .”
News Item: “. . . holiday shoppers wait with baited breath . . . .”
News Item: “. . . classic combination is brussel sprouts and sweet potatoes. . . .”
Champing, bated, brussels sprouts.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Write to QT at qt@beachwoodreporter.com
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Posted on November 21, 2012