By Zay N. Smith
News Headline: “Church steeples rented out as cell phone towers.”
And don’t think the sexting community isn’t grateful.
Joe Lueken, owner of supermarkets in Minnesota and North Dakota, on why he will transfer ownership to his 400 employees upon retirement:
“My employees are largely responsible for any success I’ve had, and they deserve to get some of the benefits of that.”
Lueken knows an important truth about free enterprise:
He built that.
And so did they.
News Headline: “U.S. prisons could safely hold Guantanamo prisoners, report says.”
Nothing doing. The prisoners stay at Guantanamo.
How else can we pretend they don’t exist?
News Headline: “Woman’s Christmas lights flip bird at neighbors.”
News Headline: “Middle-finger Christmas lights ordered taken down.”
Ho, Ho, Ho!
Why We Should Have Done Something Yesterday About the Day After Tomorrow:
Sea levels are rising 60 percent faster than earlier predicted by the so-called scientists who have been trying to panic us with the hoax of climate change.
News Headline: “Gun store owner who banned Obama supporters says business is booming.”
Good luck for him that he isn’t a book store owner.
Chicago artist Eric Ashcraft in an interview:
“If I had to choose between being identified as a painter, a sculptor or a conceptual artist, I would choose to be a banana.”
Does QT have a new favorite artist?
Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) on the budget deficit negotiations:
“It was with some concern that I read this morning that the President plans to hit the road this week to drum up support for. . . .”
Senator, you will have to forgive President Obama.
He is still learning how to be an American and doesn’t quite know how democracies are supposed to work.
News Headline: “Crisis situation developing in Middle East.”
News Headline: “Flooding situation has eased.”
News Headline: “Iran dismisses UN report on human rights situation.”
News Headline: “Who is to blame for the fiscal cliff situation?”
QT Abridged Too Far Dictionary of the English Language:
situation noun 1. physical placement. 2. state of affairs. 3. anything that is always either worsening or returning to normal. 4. a word that almost everyone can’t seem to say enough. 5. even though it is almost never needed. 6. which is a situation that may worsen into a situation situation. 7. or even a situation crisis situation. 8. until it returns to normal.
QT Digest of Rush Limbaugh’s Thursday Show (for Your Convenience):
“I am totally confused.”
This is entirely out of context.
Which seems fair enough.
News Headline: “Pants-less intruder arrested inside Valparaiso home.”
B.C., a Tinley Park reader, believes there is probably an interesting story behind that.
Especially as the intruder was wearing a Christmas stocking on one foot.
But we move on.
News Headline: “Conservative: Hispanics are born liberal.”
And some of us are born not very bright.
We all have to make do.
QT Trickle-On Economics Update:
Hostess, which tripled its CEO’s pay and nearly doubled the pay of other executives before announcing it could no longer afford the wages and benefits of its workers, has asked a bankruptcy judge to allow $1.8 million in additional executive bonuses.
Mitt Romney’s campaign autobiography No Apology has fallen from 698,415th to 723,744th on the on the Amazon best-seller list while the number of Google hits for “tap-dancing militant Islamic fundamentalists” has risen slightly to 2,190, for those keeping track.
From Poor QT’s Almanack:
On this day in history 229 years ago the preliminary Treaty of Paris was signed, leading to the end of the American Revolution and taking its place as one of 17 Treaties of Paris signed for any number of reasons in the last 783 years, putting Paris two treaties ahead of Vienna, eight ahead of London and 16 ahead of Detroit, and if you didn’t know there was a Treaty of Detroit, neither did QT.
QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
From a Commonwealth Edison mailing:
“You may be unaware that ComEd raised their electricity price in October. . . . ”
A problem with ComEd is its–its–grammar outages.
And F.R., a Chicago reader, wants to know when did power failures become power outages, and when can we have power failures back?
And. . . .
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Posted on November 30, 2012