By Zay N. Smith
News Headline: “Woman hangs flag upside down to protest Obama victory.”
News Headline: “Indonesian Muslim protestors burn U.S. flag.”
The two stories seemed to go together, for some reason.
News Headline: “Obama presents fiscal plan, McConnell bursts into laughter.”
A missed chance.
If President Obama had come back with a spit-take, the bit would have been complete.
News Headline: “The national debt crisis: Can America survive?”
News Headline: “U.S. budget deficit crisis ahead.”
+ The national debt as percent of GDP is lower than it was in 1946.
+ The annual deficit has fallen faster since 2009 than in any four-year period since World War II.
Add crises to the list of things that aren’t what they used to be.
Comcast’s 2012 “Holiday Films” list includes Die Hard with a Vengeance and Lethal Weapon.
Ho, Ho, Ho!
News Headline: “Wis. Gov. Scott Walker confident he’s clear in probe.”
News Headline: “Judge says investigation involving Walker still open.”
News Headline: “Another Walker aide pleads guilty.”
If this ends badly for the governor, rest assured, you won’t see any unseemly schadenfreude from QT.
Used it all up last month.
News Headline: “China’s Xi a regular guy.”
Paul Shubin, a Montreal reader, reminds us that “Xi” is pronounced “She,” as long as we are on the subject of regular guys.
News Headline: “China’s Xi enjoys honeymoon with investors.”
This is becoming complicated.
Beverly Feldt, a Homewood reader, wants to know when did a television show became a “television event,” and when can we have television shows back?
And when did a rerun become an “encore presentation,” and when can we have reruns back?
And. . . .
News Headline: “Pentagon plans massive expansion of spy network.”
News Headline: “Pentagon to send hundreds of additional spies overseas.”
News Headline: “Agency gets $100 million to begin program.”
News Headline: “Pentagon spy service to rival CIA.”
Except in matters of secrecy, evidently.
News Item: “. . . a range of new disorders, including some that describe thought patterns and behaviors that have long been considered mere quirks or examples of eccentric behavior. . . hoarding disorder. . . olfactory reference syndrome. . . .”
When you see the phrase “new disorders” in a news story, replace it with “new ways to drum up a little therapy business.”
You will have a better sense of the story.
News Item: Pregnant woman dressed only in a bra and panties runs through hotel in Port St. Lucie, Fla., setting off fire alarms.
Witnesses said the woman was dressed only in a bra and panties because she was trying to give police the slip.
News Headline: “Parent fury as school Nativity play is replaced by play about crime caper.”
The school said it has nothing against Christmas.
It just wanted to try something different.
An idea: Why not combine the two plays and satisfy everyone?
Nice manger you have there. . . . Hate to see anything happen to it. . . .
Or maybe not.
News Headline: “Yule be back in recession by Christmas, experts warn Britain.”
Ho, Ho, Ho!
From the QT Archive of Knowledge:
+ Earth lost 4.57 million square miles of Arctic ice cover from March to September.
+ The area of the United States is 3.79 million square miles.
Today’s Birthdays: Illinois, 194; Alka-Seltzer, 81.
QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
News Item: “. . . Christmas songs are full of outdated words like. . . ‘bough,’ ‘yore,’ ‘merry’. . . .”
C’mon. Times change. How many words do you need to know to change a status or send a tweet?
The reindeer’s name is Donder, by the way, not Donner.
Write to QT at qt@beachwoodreporter.com
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Posted on December 3, 2012