By Zay N. Smith

QT Quadrennial Offering of Solace to Whichever Half of the Nation Isn’t Happy the Morning After:
These words are being written before the polls close.
Just know about Dick Tuck.
Tuck made his fame as a political prankster who liked to go after Richard Nixon.
There was the time Nixon was starting a whistle-stop speech from the back of a train.
Tuck put on a railroad cap, grabbed a railroad lantern and waved the train out of the station.
Tuck ran for the California State Senate in 1966.
He lost.
He stepped before the public and delivered a concession speech that has not been surpassed:
“The people have spoken. . . the bastards.”
And now we move on.

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Posted on November 7, 2012

By Zay N. Smith

News Headline: “Presidential race too close to call.”
A call was placed.
“This is the residence of Irene Hughes.”
QT wishes to speak to Irene Hughes, the noted psychic.
A moment was waited.
“Hello?”
The polls say the presidential race is close. Do you have any sense of who is going to win?
“Romney is going to win.”
Really.
“Romney will win by a substantial margin.”
Thank you.
“You’re welcome.”
QT called four more psychics.
The final survey results:
+ Mitt Romney: 2
+ President Obama: 2
+ No Prediction: 1
The trend is apparent.
One day to go.

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Posted on November 5, 2012

By Zay N. Smith

News Item: Right-wing theorists claim President Obama used a classified military project investigating the upper atmosphere–the High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program–to create Hurricane Sandy for political purposes.
Interesting.
But it is well settled that gays cause hurricanes.
Let’s not turn our backs on science, shall we?

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Posted on November 2, 2012

By Zay N. Smith

News Headline: “Hurricane Sandy stalls presidential campaign.”
News Headline: “Hurricane Sandy silences Wall Street.”
News Headline: “Hurricane Sandy takes down Gawker, Buzzfeed, HuffPo.”
Even a hurricane can have an upside.

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Posted on October 31, 2012

By Zay N. Smith

QT Digest of Mitt Romney’s Friday Speech on the U.S. Economy (for Your Convenience):
“We . . . have changed . . . our . . . principles . . . before . . . and . . . will . . . in . . . the future . . .”
QT will admit these excerpts are out of context.
Sort of.
Eight days to go.

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Posted on October 29, 2012

By Zay N. Smith

News Headline: “Mitt Romney: U.S. will stay ‘strongest nation on Earth.’ ”
News Headline: “Clint Eastwood: U.S. ‘just couldn’t survive’ a second Obama term.”
Add strongest nations on Earth to the list of things that aren’t what they used to be.

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Posted on October 26, 2012

By Zay N. Smith

News Headline: “Man runs marathon in flip-flops.”
This is either about an athletic event or Mitt Romney’s presidential candidacy.
Hard to say.
QT will get back to you.

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Posted on October 24, 2012

By Zay N. Smith

News Headline: “Facts take a beating at second presidential debate.”
News Headline: “No debate over whether they twist facts.”
News Headline: “Presidential debates need format change.”
Too late for changes tonight.
But QT recalls a one-man play in theaters a few years ago.
The play was set up so members of the audience could push buttons to deliver slight electrical shocks to the performer.
This format could be adapted.
Or were you thinking of dunk tanks?
Might work.
The political process can always use a little tweaking.

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Posted on October 22, 2012

By Zay N. Smith

News Headline: “Ann Romney: Mormon missions and U.S. military are ‘different ways of serving.’ ”
And while we are at it, Paul Ryan once had a summer job at a McDonald’s.
So he served, too.

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Posted on October 19, 2012

QT Digest of the Second Presidential Debate (for Your Convenience):
“. . . just isn’t true. . . not true. . . not true. . . is up. . . is down. . . no, it isn’t. . . it’s absolutely true. . . just not true. . . completely and totally wrong. . . that’s not true. . . .”
Twenty days to go.

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Posted on October 17, 2012