By Bethany Lankin

The first day I declined lunch in my corporate cafeteria my friends saw the ramen on my desk and laughed. They laughed at it the second day. After two weeks, they began giving me impromptu health lectures at the fax machine. When I told them how the market was flooded these days with low sodium, low-fat healthy ramen, the lectures stopped. A week later I developed a debilitating three-day headache and friends asked if I was actually eating any of that low sodium, low-fat healthy ramen. Of course, I was not. The next day I decided to try one of those healthy ramen meals, and I chose Dr. McDougall’s baked not fried ramen. Because as far as Asian cuisine is concerned, with a name like McDougall’s, it has to be good.

Read More

Posted on July 17, 2007

Date Taken: 07/06/07
From: River North
To: Wicker Park
The Cab: Spotless except for the partially unpeeled Tweety Bird sticker on the rear view mirror. I’m thinking there’s a story there. Plus, I had the nagging feeling that the interior had the slight aura of a metallic UFO glow. Maybe that’s why we later seemed to be riding on air.
The Driver: This is the guy Sade was thinking about when she wrote “Smooth Operator.”

Read More

Posted on July 16, 2007

Date Taken: 07/06/07
From: Wicker Park
To: River North
The Cab: Clean, but not fussily so. I’m guessing the driver, however, is unaware of the Transformers sticker behind him on the back of the bench seat. Perhaps this is viral cab marketing.
The Driver: I really didn’t notice the presence of a driver. And yet, our interactions with a particular CTA bus was reminiscent of Peter Griffin vs. The Giant Chicken.

Read More

Posted on July 12, 2007

By Steve Rhodes and Natasha Julius

“There it is!” I yelled out with glee.
Or more like, “THERE IT IS!!!”
We had made a long journey and finally reached our destination, via the principled but aloof Stevenson Expressway with a short detour into Summit. Oops.
And then, rising above the hodgepodge of major artery signage, a beacon of life-affirming goodness. We had found the Kwik-E-Mart.

Read More

Posted on July 10, 2007

Dear Eric Zorn and Rich Miller:

Mind if I pick the scab off your discussion of good versus evil in the world of editors? I’d like to dig a bit deeper before a final dab of Neosporin is applied.
To recap, Rich is best known for his authoritative political newsletter and blog chronicling Illinois state government, The Capitol Fax. He now also writes an Op-Ed column for the Sun-Times. Eric is a veteran metro columnist at the Tribune and pioneered columnist blogging there – his is now called Change of Subject.
Last week, Rich noted on his blog that Sun-Times Editorial Page Editor Steve Huntley is shifting positions to concentrate on his own column. According to Rich, Steve Huntley “has been a great editor – meaning he approved all my column ideas and never touched my copy.”
Eric responded in his own blog that he believes “a great editor is not just a middleman with a rubber stamp.”

Read More

Posted on July 10, 2007

By Bethany Lankin

The packaging won me over. The picture on the front resembles the WWII Japanese Army/Navy flag with a full bowl of ramen playing the part of the sun. And why not? Tradition^TM ramen noodle soup is proud to announce that it is Oriental style. It’s also proud to announce that it is a PRODUCT OF CANADA. Funny that this product of Canada should be as politically correct as my Mother, who, as it happens, is also a product of Canada.
I added the spice packet after the noodles finished cooking and a wonderful smell curled up with the steam from the cooking pot. I was amazed and delighted. It smelled like the fried potatoes at the Christkindlmarkt in Daley Plaza. Every December I visit the same huge German kid in his white Guernsey sweater. He fries thick slices of potato and onion in bacon fat and then dusts it all with white pepper until it starts to resemble a beignet from Cafe du Monde. I danced up and down in my kitchen in anticipation of this fine Japo-Jerry meal. It was going to be VE day and VJ day all rolled into one.

Read More

Posted on July 9, 2007

By The Beachwood Cheops Affairs Desk

The following press release about the development and movement of the great pyramids may be of interest to your audience. Any editorial comment or mention that you may give this press release would be greatly appreciated.
– – –
TEXAS MEGA-MOVER DIRECTS THE WORLD TOWARD ANCIENT PYRAMID TRUTHS
Dateline: June 29, 2007 . . . Houston, TX
Contact: Theodore L. (Ted) Whidden
Phone: (850) 685-2353
E-Mail: TedWhidden@PHDService.com
Web Address: www.SolomonSeries.com
HOUSTON, TX – June 29, 2007 – Texas “Mega-mover” (Heavy lift consultant) provides an explanation for construction, rock movements, and development of the Great Pyramid from top to bottom with all questions answered. Common myths, legends, and lore concerning Khufu/Cheops Pyramid of Egypt are debunked by simple, straight forward look at the real evidence at hand. By addressing the project as if it can be done with assets and resources on the site, while applying a little conventional wisdom, a research team solves several mysteries.

Read More

Posted on July 3, 2007

By The Beachwood Personal Luxury Services Affairs Desk

The following press release announcing Eilat Limousine’s acquisition of Genesis Limousine and the personal luxury services this limousine company can provide, may be of interest to your audience. Any editorial comment or mention that you may give this press release would be greatly appreciated.
– – –
EILAT LIMOUSINE OF NEW YORK ANNOUNCES PURCHASE OF GENESIS LIMOUSINE INTERNATIONAL NETWORK, INC.
Dateline: June 28, 2007 . . . Brooklyn, NY
Contact: Doron Guez
Phone: (718) 253-1500
E-Mail: dorong@eilatlimousine.com
Web Address: www.eilatlimousine.com/
BROOKLYN, NY – June 28, 2007 – A well-known limousine service in New York called Eilat Limousine International announced today that it has acquired Genesis Limousine International Network, Inc. The acquisition was effective June 1 and will combine two very popular personalized luxury services into one.

Read More

Posted on June 29, 2007

Dear Lake Forest:

Can’t we all just get along? You have to admit it’s ironic when an exclusive, wealthy suburb passes a rule to exclude even many of its own wealthy citizens. I refer, of course, to the new Lake Forest beach protocol so interestingly reported in the Chicago Tribune by Susan Kuczka, which restricts about a quarter of the mile-long beach to adults only. Even the children of Lake Forest, it seems, are not good enough for Lake Forest.

Read More

Posted on June 26, 2007

Joey “the Clown” Lombardo and several alleged Outfit compatriots go on trial this week in what may be the last housecleaning of the oldtime Chicago mob. This profile was published in the October 2005 issue of Chicago magazine, before Lombardo was nabbed in Elmwood Park. We have enhanced it (links!) for your enjoyment, and split it into three parts. This is Part 3. Here are Parts 1 and 2.
*
THE LOST DON/By Steve Rhodes
Shortly after he was paroled from a federal penitentiary in eastern Pennsylvania in 1992, Lombardo placed an ad in several Chicago newspapers. “I never took a secret oath with guns and daggers, pricked my finger, drew blood or burned paper to join a criminal organization,” the ad said. “If anyone hears my name used in connection with any criminal activity please notify the FBI, local police and my parole officer, Ron Kumke.”
While the ad played like a joke, it was probably a calculated, if odd, strategy undertaken by Lombardo. “My belief, based upon information known to us through sources, was that when he came out of prison his most important goal was to never go back to prison, not necessarily to become known as the head of Chicago organized crime, says the Gaming Board’s Jim Wagner. “And so, in order to accomplish his first goal, he wanted to stay in the background as much as possible, not get a spotlight on him, and I think that’s why he put the notice in the newspaper. But, beyond that, we still had sufficient source information that we believed that regardless of his protestations, he was in fact in charge.”

Read More

Posted on June 20, 2007