Chicago -
Date Taken: 10/28/07
From: O’Hare
To: Rosemont
The Cab: Your basic, somewhat overworn Dodge Minivan. No visible mechanical defects. After finding out the route, driver tested back hatch, tires and suspension.
The Driver: A surly prick even before he found out he rushed into the teeth of O’Hare traffic for a paltry $10 fare. When told of the destination, he tersely reponded “Why Rosemont”? At this point, I figured “Because I fucking said so” wouldn’t help matters.
Posted on October 30, 2007
By J.J. Tindall
A Few of My Favorite Things
I dig
Rainbo,
comfort foods,
Guinness, cigarettes
of just about
any kind,
Posted on October 29, 2007
News From Pueblo
Whether it’s your first time cooking Thanksgiving dinner for the in-laws or the umpteenth time you’ve overseen a casual feast for 25, the last thing you want to send your guests home with is a food borne illness. Brush up on ways to keep your kitchen clean and your food bacteria-free with the free Feast on Food Safety package from the USDA Food Safety and Inspection Service and the Federal Citizen Information Center.
Posted on October 26, 2007
By J.J. Tindall
The Great White Dope
We collude in a conspiracy of silence.
We intrude on the poor, demanding coke.
The Children’s Crusade to re-take Humboldt Park
Commemorated the dead. For every line we do,
A bullet blasts into an innocent child’s brain.
But not in Barrington. For every line we do,
Posted on October 25, 2007
Dear Illinois Legislators Considering a Chicago Casino:
I don’t object to funding society with money raised from the state-sponsored addiction of wretched citizens blowing their next child support or mortgage payments on their next fix. Gambling, in other words. But this Chicago casino idea you’re batting around . . . I just don’t know.
Really, it’s not the gambling that bothers me, per se. The case can be made that, since addictions are often genetically-based, they can’t be stamped out – so we may as well make hay while administrative assistants and salesmen squander their meager paychecks on riverboats.
As the gambling lobby points out, riverboat customers contribute to the surrounding economy. After a long day on the water yanking slot machine handles, anyone who left their children strapped securely in their car seats will be much more likely to treat the little tykes to a Happy Meal. Who wants to cook when you’ve lost all the grocery money?
Posted on October 23, 2007
By Rick Kaempfer and Dave Stern
Remember all the fun you had with last year’s Beachwood Halloween costumes? Well, we’re back for more this year. Here are ten simple, inexpensive costume ideas for grown-ups ripped out of this year’s headlines.
*
1. Larry Craig
Bald wig, business suit, toilet paper stuck to shoe.
Sample party comment: “I am not gay. But that doesn’t mean I’m not willing to try.”
2. Lisa Nowak
Wear a flight suit/jump suit, a NASA baseball hat, and groan inappropriately.
Sample party comment: “Oh, is there a line waiting to get in the bathroom? Hadn’t noticed.”
Posted on October 22, 2007
By J.J. Tindall
My Mom Tried To Prevent Me From Seeing Led Zeppelin
“Isn’t that
the one where
they got into fights
sleeping out
for tickets?”
As the saying goes, “my blood ran cold.”
Posted on October 19, 2007
By J.J. Tindall
Smilin’ Dave Eigenberg
Even Sex
in the City men
have to be
high-school
freshman
at some point.
Posted on October 18, 2007
By J.J. Tindall
Diane Swonk, The Next Mrs. J.J. Tindall
Lean, lithe, lovely
and loaded,
Kerridwen, goddess
of knowledge
and inspiration,
Golden Hair:
Posted on October 12, 2007
By J.J. Tindall
Depression
MOON:
BLISTERED MIRROR-
BLACK DOG-
BLEAK KNAVE-
FICTION OF FAILURE-
Posted on October 10, 2007
