By J.J. Tindall
God Is Not A Goddam Real Estate Agent
We are all
children
of God. Earth
itself
is the Promised
Land.
Posted on January 15, 2008
Chicagoetry: The Five Ws
By J.J. Tindall
The Five Ws
Who is God?
What is life?
When does it start?!
Where is Heaven?
Why can’t I find it anywhere?
That’s
30.
Posted on January 10, 2008
Chicagoetry: Great Moments in Rock Dancing, Number One
By J.J. Tindall
Great Moments in Rock Dancing, Number One
Sure they would die
in a plane crash, merely because
I had a
ticket,
The Stones took over
Soldier Field,
July 8, 1978.
Mick? Hardly.
Posted on January 9, 2008
Cab #3834
Date Taken: 1/04/08
From: The Loop
To: Albany Park
The Cab: I’d been standing in the cold trying to get a cab for ten minutes. When a cab finally pulled up I was too relieved to notice which cab company it belonged to. It was a white car with a large red circle painted on the side. The Hinomaru taxi service? Whatever. Arigatou, pal.
The Reason: I couldn’t carry a laptop and the two magnums of Champagne that arrived from California that morning. And let me offer you some advice: if you’re single, don’t take the Napa Valley wine tour by yourself. You’re going to be the only unattached person in a tour bus full of newlyweds pinching each other and giggling. No one is going to talk to you and they’ll make you sit in the “single” seat by the door. And when that door opens – a total of nine times during the tour – it’s going to hit you in the knee. At the end of the day, at the sixth and final vineyard, you and your bruised knee will sit on the patio at the Chandon winery. And as the artificial mist settles over your sun-warmed skin every four and a half minutes and the breeze blows through the withered Pinot Meunier leaves you’re going to get very depressed. You’re going to wonder what you’ve done with your life. And a nice looking man in a tuxedo is going to keep filling your Champagne glass. After several glasses he’s going to ask you to join a Champagne club – the Sparkling Circle – where you will receive shipments of fine Chandon champagne every few months which will allow you to drink yourself into a dream world where you’ve made far better life choices. And you’re going to do it. Yes you are.
Posted on January 7, 2008
Chicagoetry: Feed My Steel Bird
By J.J. Tindall
Feed My Steel Bird
I and I, bent on justice,
Have you in
Mind.
Heart flattened by a wind
Lorry.
I and I bide like a hawk on a
Spire.
Sinner, sucker, self-serving
motherfucker: stay out of the park. I and I wait patiently atop the spire of
New
Pru.
Posted on January 4, 2008
Chicagoetry: Column
By J.J. Tindall
Column
My mom was a Newsbabe. She
wrote a column for the
Naperville Sun.
She started
as a general
assignment
reporter and
photographer.
It was the
Seventies.
Posted on January 3, 2008
Have Yourself A Merry Little Kwanzaa
By Tom Latourette
Have yourself a merry little Kwanzaa
Make your kinara light
From now on,
Your Christmases won’t be white
|
Have yourself a merry little Kwanzaa
Something just ain’t right
You get to have Christmas
And you get Kwanzaa seven days and nights
Posted on December 26, 2007
The Twelve Days of Cubness
Day 12 of The 12 Days Of Beachwood Christmas
On the 12th day of Christmas, the Cubbies gave to me
100 years of heartbreak and futility
*
|
On the first day of Christmas, the Cubbies gave to me
Heartbreak and Futility
On the second day of Christmas, the Cubbies gave to me
100 years of losses full of
Heartbreak and Futility
On the third day of Christmas, the Cubbies gave to me
3 – Kiki Cuyler
2 – Billy Herman
So begins the Mediocrity
On the fourth day of Christmas, the Cubbies gave to me
4 new owners
3 Donald Trumps
2 Mark Cubans
Let’s get someone to spend some money
On the fifth day of Christmas, the Cubbies gave to me
Fukodome
4 Santo slip-ups
3 international incidents
Domo Arigato
How do the Japanese say Mediocrity?
Posted on December 25, 2007
I’m Santa Claus
Day 11 of The 12 Days of Beachwood Christmas
On the 11th day of Christmas, Santa gave to me
rap rock like Kid Rock and Run-DMC
*
Posted on December 24, 2007
O Sumenberger
Day 10 of The 12 Days of Beachwood Christmas
On the 10th Day of Christmas, Don’s Grill gave to me
another tribute that brought me to my knees
*
|
O Hamburger, O Hamburger
How toxic were your odors
O Hamburger, O Hamburger
How lovely was your meat
Laid in bread, and wrapped in wax
Departing loudly from my ass
Posted on December 23, 2007