By The Special Guests Publicity Service

ANGRY GAMERS SET SIGHTS ON GROUP WARNING OF CONTENT
Mutual Fund Company Claiming Video Games Are Too Violent Besieged By Hateful Emails And Calls From Gamers
A mutual fund company named The Timothy Plan has found itself the target of angry gamers after doing extensive research on the level of violence found in video games expected to be in high demand this Christmas. Since releasing a matrix that ranks each game based on violent and sexual content, the group has received countless hateful e-mails and phone calls.

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Posted on December 4, 2008

By Scott Buckner

Really, there’s no Christmas gift worse than a shirt. Nothing says you don’t have an original thought in your head like giving one, and nothing says your girlfriend or wife is ready to dump you like getting one. Little plastic reindeers that poop whatever little candies you’ve loaded into them when you tug on their tail won’t really endear you to anyone either, so in the spirit of Cyber Monday marking the official start of the online Christmas shopping season today, I’ve found some inexpensive gift suggestions for anyone with the ridiculous notion that nothing says you care like a lumberjack flannel from Kohl’s.
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Item: Weener Kleener Soap
Price: $6.95, from Baron Bob
Why: Because no man’s sausage can be clean enough. This also proves that anyone with a bright idea can still make it in America. You’d think the folks at Irish Spring – with millions of R&D dollars at their disposal – would have come up with stimulating personal hygiene for under seven bucks by inventing a round bar of soap with a hole in the middle a long time ago. But they didn’t.

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Posted on December 1, 2008

By Claudia Hunter

It is Thanksgiving Day and I am, once again, Home for the Holidays. Except now I live here. Yikes and double yikes. But that’s another story to be told at another time.
Thanksgiving was always a big deal at my house, with my multitude of siblings and their spouses trampling over each other to get everything done. This year, my biological siblings, their spouses, and children are all gathered together at my sister’s. They got there yesterday and will be going home in time for my 12-year-old niece to make a sleepover she wants to go to. Would this have happened when I was 12? Ha. Hahahahahahaha. But again, another story.
My estranged adopted brother is not here either. Last I knew he was in St. Paul, lucky bastard. Not that I love St. Paul. But it’s not HERE.

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Posted on November 27, 2008

By The Beachwood Pueblo Colorado Affairs Desk

Whether you cook nightly or never, you’re bound to spend some time in the kitchen during the holidays. And when you’re cooking for your brother’s toddler, Great Uncle Max, and all the rest, you don’t want to serve them food that you didn’t realize went bad. Make sure everything you prepare and serve this year is as safe as it is delicious with the help of Kitchen Companion: Your Safe Food Handbook, a free publication from the U.S. Department of Agriculture and the Federal Citizen Information Center.
When it comes to handling food safely, it all starts at the grocery store. Keeping cold food cold is important to reduce the growth of bacteria, so pick up the eggs and milk last. And don’t put raw meat or poultry next to other items in your shopping cart. Prevent cross-contamination by placing them in plastic bags, if you can, and separate items in your cart.

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Posted on November 24, 2008

By Stephanie B  Goldberg

1. No one likes a tattletale or the modern-day equivalent – a leaker. A few weeks ago, Palin called them “jerks.” Now Obama’s people are displeased with those loose-lipped Clintonites, Madonna’s minions are upset that Guy’s guys are talking trash about the big divorce settlement, and Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd is being excoriated for possibly leaking a story that makes George W. Bush look, well, dumber than a box of rocks. I can’t help thinking that a story about someone’s anger at the anonymous source of another story produces a mental state not unlike ice cream brain freeze.

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Posted on November 21, 2008

By The Beachwood Meetup Affairs Desk

The newest Chicagoland Meetups.
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Chicago Christians Curious Meetup Group
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Kinky Figure Drawing
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The Chicago Mythology Meetup Group
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GOSPEL GREATS OF COMEDY
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Chicago LGBT Motorcyclists

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Posted on November 19, 2008

By Dan Simon

The Japanese working tradition includes long hours, limited vacations, endless rules, tyrant-like bosses and a myriad of other complexities too difficult for the Western brain to comprehend. In this country, the first year of a recent college graduate’s working life often consists of seven-day work weeks with few days off during the course of that year. And that’s if he or she is lucky enough to get placed with a respectable company.
The Japanese are extremely hardworking and dedicated to their companies (even though many people don’t to anything all day long). However, the concept of work here is radically different from what we are used to at home.

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Posted on November 18, 2008

By Stephanie B  Goldberg

1. If your significant other has cybersex on Second Life, does that constitute adultery? If you’re like Amy Taylor of Great Britain, you don’t particularly care what the answer is – you just want the loser out of your life. And so Taylor has becomes the first woman to meet her spouse on a virtual reality site and later divorce him because his avatar couldn’t keep his virtual pants on.
2. Farewell to the world’s ugliest dog, although we understand there’s a new contender for the title.

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Posted on November 16, 2008

By J.J. Tindall

ELEGY FOR STUDS
Listen: voices embroider
the unwelcome November rain.
Wind: mind radio. Radio:
great friend of the solitary.
Listen: my favorite
spoken-word artist
has checked out.

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Posted on November 14, 2008

By The Beachwood Economic Indicators Affairs Desk

“That word is dangerous to use, depression, but this is going to be a very difficult economy.”
– Mayor Richard M. Daley, Nov. 12, 2008
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Let’s take a look back to 1929 to see what might be in store.
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World Series: Cubs vs. Philadelphia A’s

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Posted on November 13, 2008