By The Beachwood Meetup Affairs Desk
The newest Chicago meetups.
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Chicago Mobile App Developers (iPhone, Droid, iPad)
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North Shore Cloth Diaper Crew
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Networking Couture
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Mask-making
Posted on May 14, 2010
3-D Chicago
By The Beachwood Multi-Dimensional Affairs Desk
The next issue of Playboy, which is apparently still around, will include a 3-D centerfold, which they apparently still have.
This got us thinking about what might be featured in a 3-D issue of, say, Chicago magazine, if Chicago actually covered Chicago. To wit:
* An alderman’s greasy 3-D hand thrust toward you as he’s about to accept a bribe.
* The mayor’s . . . being thrust in your face as he’s about to screw you.
* A Jay Cutler interception coming your way!
* Block 37 in 1-D ’cause nothing goes right there.
* Sneed’s day-old leftovers in 3-D.
* A bullet coming your way for black subscribers. Oh wait, Chicago magazine doesn’t have any black subscribers . . .
* Lou Piniella ambling toward you to make a pitching change.
Posted on May 13, 2010
Chicago Celebrity Restaurant Concepts
By The Beachwood Bring Back Ponderosa Affairs Desk
“Matt Bridgeford is no paparazzo, but he does have a thing for celebrities – and their restaurants,” the Sun-Times reports in Fans Often Lose Appetite For Celeb Eateries.
“At headlinerdiners.com, Bridgeford has gathered details – such as photos and recollections – on celebrity restaurants in 500 locations, including Chicago. A Seattle assisted-care worker, he figures he has visited 50 of them – the best and the worst of the concept.”
This got Beachwood Labs/Restaurant Concept Division thinking . . .
Posted on May 12, 2010
Windy City Gay Idol
By The Windy City Media Group
Windy City Gay Idol, now in its eighth year, is halfway through this year’s search for the best amateur gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered (GLBT) singers in the Chicago area with four more events before the semi-finals on June 5. Two new bars, North End and Berlin, join the competition this yearl.
What started as a fun promotion has become the largest and most highly anticipated annual competition event in Chicago’s GLBT community. Many winners have gone on to sing at Wrigley Field, Soldier Field, Market Days and at festivals around Illinois, Milwaukee, and even Toronto. Plus, the Windy City Gay Idol Finals in 2008 featured a then little-known Lady Gaga as a guest performer.
So you never know what you will see and hear! You don’t have to sing to be a part of it. Just come and vote!
Posted on May 11, 2010
Illinois Pyramid Power!
By The Beachwood Unaffordable Housing Affairs Desk
“James Onan of Wadsworth, Ill. was inspired to build his 17,000-square-foot home in the 1970s after reading a University of Wisconsin study suggesting that pyramids generate energy,” Parade reports in “Home, Strange Home.”
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Through the years . . .
Publication: Los Angeles Times
Date: September 18, 1988
Headline: “A Man Who Believes in Power of the Pyramid Builder Lives in One”
Excerpt: “Outside the main entrance is a 200-ton statue of Ramses II. The pyramid is an island perched on a concrete foundation in the middle of a 20-foot-deep, spring-fed lake with access by causeway. The 12,000-square-foot glistening roof is made of stainless-steel plates electroplated with gold. There are three garages, all pyramids. Eighty miniature Sphinxes line the driveway to the main structure home. [James Onan] also is building a replica of King Tut’s tomb on the property.”
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Posted on May 4, 2010
I Am A Security Guard: Mistakes, I’ve Made A Few
By Jerome Haller
Shortly after I started my job, the Head Guard gave me an assignment. He showed me a picture of a young man with a goatee. The youngster had fought with him and an assistant manager before getting arrested for theft. The Head Guard banned the man from the store. He told me to call the police if the shoplifter returned.
Of course, someone who looked like him walked into the store on a Saturday night. I looked at him. He looked at me. I asked if he had been in the store before, hoping to provide a hint about the arrest. He asked if he looked like someone.
Because he sounded like a smart aleck, I told an assistant manager about the visitor and grabbed the picture from the main office. Meanwhile, a cop walked into the store. I gave the photograph to the officer. He compared the picture with the man and decided the two did not match. I had made a big mistake.
I apologized to the customer. Luckily for me, he did not complain to the corporate office. I had dodged a bullet.
That was just one of the mistakes I’ve made while doing my job.
Posted on April 29, 2010
Meet Chicago’s Google Geeks
By The Beachwood Nerd Desk
Happier with their jobs than you are.
1. Ask Fitz and Ben.
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Posted on April 27, 2010
I Am A Security Guard: Why I Draw
By Jerome Haller
Around the middle of the shift, when the flow of customers slows to a trickle, I prepare for one of my favorite rituals. I sweep the floor and read newspapers and magazines. Then, I break out a notebook and pencil and draw.
Using basic shapes and different shades, I try to create a picture that reflects one of my interests. One night, it may be a pilgrim dropping his burden and finding hope while gazing toward the sky. Or a guitarist jamming for fans. Or a pitcher firing a strike. Or a golfer pumping a fist while watching a putt roll toward the hole. I’ve even completed a self-portrait, which included my uniform.
The pastime provides a few obvious benefits. First, it helps me relieve the stress that comes with watching the store’s goods and dealing with the general public. Second, I gain some sense of accomplishment. Third, I kill at least 30 minutes with each work.
Yet, there is a deeper reason why I sketch. The memory of an uncle spurs me to create.
Posted on April 26, 2010
The Curious Case Of Charles The Cat
Picture This
By Drew Adamek
MEMORANDUM
To: Beachwood Steve
From: List Guy Drew
Date: 4/21/10
Re: Sexual Innuendo Photo Essays Beachwood Reporter Should Run
Steve,
I’ve been doing the market research you requested on how newspaper websites have managed to maintain such cutting-edge audience retention policies over the last couple of years. I got to say it was a tough assignment, what with all the fancy gizmos and high-concept thinking that the mainstream media has used to keep their finger on the online pulse of America.
The newspapers are using all sorts of ingenious tricks: news you can use, problem-solvers for shit that really isn’t that big of a deal, jumping on the bandwagon of popular social networking models about five years after they are relevant (see Sun-Times Friendster profile). I don’t know how we are going to compete with the Internet visionaries running the MSM.
However, I did find one thing we can steal. I like to call it the blue-ball photo essay. Here’s what we do: we find a really sexually suggestive headline for a completely banal and innocent set of boring photos and lure desperate suckers into clicking through 15 pages of ad-laden cockteasing. For example, I saw this on the Tribune the other day: “Movies With Women Hooking Up.” I thought I would get some steamy girl-on-girl action but instead I got publicity photos of fully dressed women lazily sulking at each other. What a bummer.
I don’t understand why these work; in the face of so much actual and free porn out there, mildly suggestive and barely titillating headlines must only appeal to the elderly men and children under 10 that don’t know how to use the Internet.
But they do work; even I, your hard-hearted researcher can’t resist the siren’s promise of “The Secret History of the Bra.” I hear myself saying, “Don’t do it man, you are only wasting your time. There isn’t going to be anything exciting here.” But I can’t stop from clicking through anyways. And I always end up pissed off that I wasted 45 seconds of my precious life looking at such silliness.
Here, then, are my suggestions for blatant, sexually suggestive photo essays that are totally innocent and bland that the Beachwood should run:
Posted on April 21, 2010