Poems by J.J. Tindall
Selected from The Beachwood Reporter
*
You have before you the greatest collection of American poetry published in the new millennium. By a Chicago author. For a Chicago website. If you like that sort of thing.
But then, maybe, truly, it is the best-in-class. After all, who else can claim Ode to a Hoover Bagless Cyclonic Action Quik-Broom with On-Board Tools (“Quiet machine, soft machine, I machine”) in the same breath as Five Boys On a Golf Course (“We who remained drove a van to Arlington, VA, for the military funeral, smoking joints and telling stories. The Navy bore pall for us all.”)?

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Posted on July 26, 2010

By David Rutter

1. Blago, WTF?
The WTF team of experts, consultants and sump pump installers wants just one last thing from former Guv Blago. Please, for crying out loud, SHUT THE F UP! This trial is like the punch line to the old joke: “No, you dummy. You were supposed to ride the camel to town!”

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Posted on July 23, 2010

By The Beachwood Not Oprah’s Boyfriend Affairs Desk

Well, he actually only did 18 before giving up.
1. Here is a nice review of one of my talks http://bit.ly/3sNaE2 12:17 PM Oct 9th, 2009 via web
2. Congrats to Obama! 12:15 PM Oct 9th, 2009 via web
3. Congrats to Obama! 12:15 PM Oct 9th, 2009 via web
4. Happy memorial day all!! 5:23 PM May 25th, 2009 via Twitter for iPhone
5. @Oprah remember when you accidentally deleted your speech on your Blackberry? Someone wrote about it. http://bit.ly/2eiers 8:14 PM May 15th, 2009 via web

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Posted on July 19, 2010

By David Rutter

1. Todd Stroger, WTF?
What’s Chicago payoff politics coming to when embattled Cook County board chief Todd Stroger can’t even hire relatives of his embattled staff for fake jobs?
(All job titles under the purview of Stroger are now preceded by the standard rank of “embattled.”)
Todd was trying to unload $10 million in Homeland Security cash before the bell tolls and he is sent into the darkness. But the county jobs watchdog caught him.
One of the embattled recipients of Stroger’s largesse, Colin Longworth, didn’t even know what job he had “applied” for. He just applied – on the advice of a mysterious phone call he received from “somebody named Barry.”
Longworth is a former employee at CGC Communications, the public relations firm owned by Carla Oglesby, Stroger’s embattled deputy chief of staff.
Or at least we think he was a former employee. Longworth told the Sun-Times he wasn’t sure he actually ever worked for CGC.
As a representative of Chicago’s citizens, WTF demands more competence in our crooks.

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Posted on July 16, 2010

From The Beachwood Tweet Deck

Her last transmissions before the trial started.
One in a series.
1. I am so thankful for friends that are willing to spend an entire day sitting with me on a hard bench in a freezing room. 6:29 PM Jun 15th via web
2. Wondering why the mini cams still find it necessary to be outside our house. 8:43 AM Jun 15th via Twitter for BlackBerry
3. So glad we don’t have to be back in court until Mon. Time to relax with the girls. 5:27 PM Jun 10th via web
4. Getting to graduation with not a moment to spare. Just relieved to get here at all. 6:24 PM Jun 8th via Twitter for BlackBerry
5. Wondering if I have time to get to macy’s to get the lip gloss Amy wants for her graduation night. 12:58 PM Jun 7th via Twitter for BlackBerry

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Posted on July 12, 2010

By David Rutter

1. Sun-Times WTF?!, WTF?
In the interest of clarity, full disclosure and good hygiene, the Beachwood Reporter’s “WTF” wishes to lay out the differences between us and the Sun-Times version of WTF.
First, the Sun-Times is obviously more chic.
Their definition:
The week in WTF?! By which we mean, of course, “Wow, that’s fascinating!” Because during the last few days – Wednesday, Thursday, Friday – what tom-foolery has taken place out on the Interwebs. Here’s a look at the things that have caused us to say, “Whee! That’s funny!
They link to many web videos they didn’t actually create except by linking to them. Also, they use the words “tomfoolery” and “wow” without any self-conscious embarrassment. Also “whee!” which we believe is a sound effect more than a real word.

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Posted on July 9, 2010

By The Beachwood Mind’s Eye Affairs Desk

1. It’s meant to be funny and weird.

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Posted on July 6, 2010

By David Rutter

1. Jon Burge’s boat, WTF?
Could it be that after decades of deception and stonewalling, former Chicago cop and torture impresario Jon Burge was done in by the name of his sleek sailboat?
If you believe the jurors in his perjury trial, it makes an appealing legal theory.
Let’s say this. This was a trial complicated by more-than-disreputable witnesses and crimes which, at the least, are far distanced from the heinous brutalities that Burge has all but escaped.
But given complexity, some federal juries will sift through all the grains of evidence looking for the one larger than expected nugget.

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Posted on July 2, 2010

By The Special Guests Publicity Service

June 25, 2010 is a day that will live in infamy because it is the day that ICANN, the nonprofit corporation that coordinates the Internet naming system, voted to allow the .XXX domain to be legal.
Morality in Media President Bob Peters is available to be your talk show guest to discuss this disgusting move. Here are some of Bob’s comments:
There are many reasons why a new “.XXX top-level domain” will not succeed in protecting children from online exposure to hardcore adult pornography.
First, the proposed system is voluntary, which means commercial pornographers will be able to maintain sites both within the .XXX domain and without, which would be to their advantage.

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Posted on June 29, 2010

By The Beachwood Flag Day To The Fourth Interim Affairs Desk

“In preparation for Naval Station Great Lakes’ 2011 centennial, sailors re-created a piece of naval history on Flag Day June 14,” the Sun-Times Media Network reports.
“The original Living Flag was photographed by Arthur Mole and featured 10,000 sailors who created a 48-star flag in celebration of the armistice on the parade field in November 1917.
“The June 14 flag – this time a 50-star version – included 7,500 sailors from Training Support Center, Recruit Training Command, Naval Hospital Corps School and other tenant commands at Great Lakes. ”
Here is that Living Flag as well as a few others.
1. It is alive!

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Posted on June 28, 2010