From The Beachwood Tweet Deck

Hot tub tweet machine.
1. yes sir.. @mikesayswhat about 6 hours ago via TweetDeck
2. anyone have any info on edgar allan poe what he was like? about 6 hours ago via TweetDeck
3. @SusanaKennedy what is? 7:19 AM Aug 7th via TweetDeck in reply to SusanaKennedy
4. me too.RT @MinouChatte: “We are at war with our own hearts. Love is a cease-fire thats destined to fail.” 2:53 AM Aug 5th via TweetDeck
5. here you go amy! 2:45 AM Aug 5th via TweetDeck
6. rt @This_isAmy101– http://www.twitvid.com/JIRAY — 2:44 AM Aug 5th via TweetDeck
7. @This_isAmy101 sure — sounds great.. Can u do it? 12:12 AM Aug 4th via TweetDeck

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Posted on August 9, 2010

By David Rutter

1. Tribune Company, WTF?
We here at WTF are enjoying the heck out of that giant, greasy slime ball that just landed on Tribune’s doorstep.
Schadenfreude is such an underappreciated vice.
2. Tribune Clydesdales, WTF?
Of hundreds of former titled Tribunites, maybe dozens – or at least one or two – are swell folks who were dedicated, honest and smart. (How smart? Just ask them). But it does seem like many bigwigs have survived in exile to run new journalistic-related operations. Some show up on TV pretending to be experts. Others do PR for companies they used to smirk at. One big Trib hotdog now works as a college “vice president of civic engagement.” WTF, really.
WTF’s chief correspondent once worked for Conrad Black and David Radler, in addition to several others with even less human DNA, so we know how you can get trapped inadvertently with vermin.

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Posted on August 6, 2010

By Astralopry 2010

Mark Kirk’s Ex-wife: ‘Svengali Figure’ Influencing Candidate
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The Cubs: The Complete Story of Chicago Cubs Baseball
By Glenn Stout, Richard A. Johnson
Page 176: “According to Bill Veeck, who had remained employed by the Cubs until 1941, at about this time Wrigley hired someone Veeck described as ‘a little bum’ and paid him $5,000 a year, with a promised bonus of $25,000 if the Cubs won the pennant . . . Wrigley had either seen a professional wrestling match or read about one in which a wrestler used an assistant to cast spells and hexes or otherwise put a ‘whammy’ on his opponent. In the arranged world of pro wrestling, the record of the ‘whammy man’ was spotless. A very dim lightbulb went off in P.K. Wrigley’s head. He decided that the Cubs needed just such a person . . . Wrigley apparently had no idea that pro wrestling was fixed, and none of the sycophants he surrounded himself with felt they could tell the boss the truth. Veeck’s ‘little bum’ was Wrigley’s ‘whammy man.’ Although his name is lost to history, the whammy man accompanied the Cubs at home and on the road, sitting in the stands, staring at opposing players, and giving them the ‘evil eye’ while ominously wiggling his fingers. If it hadn’t been so pathetic, it would have been funny.”

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Posted on August 5, 2010

By Jerome Haller

I’m new to the door man game, but I think I’m getting good at it. After all, I learned everything I know about working in bars from Road House. Expect the unexpected. Be polite – until it’s time not to be polite. Remember, it’s just a job; it’s nothing personal. If a customer give you trouble, walk him to the door. Never start anything inside the bar. Take out the trash.
Here’s how things went one night last weekend.
* The big thing about this particular night was that a neighborhood street festival was going on. We were in the line of fire. Because of bad past experiences, our door was plastered with signs saying “No Public Restroom!” I pranced around the bar before my shift started shouting “No public restroom!” just for practice. It turned out I would need it.

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Posted on August 4, 2010

By J.J. Tindall

Black Ghost
If a flamingo, be of steel.
Strike a pose in mid-pirouette.
I see myself in Calder’s Flamingo,
bright red steel striving to dance
and my parents are the Federal Buildings,
serene monoliths of dignity, repose
in black steel and glass.
So I am the carefree child at their stolid feet
dancing in both reverence and defiance.
I think my dad wanted me to be Sears Tower.
I think my mom just wants me to be happy.
I don’t think either imagined a flamingo,
even one of strong, stubborn steel.

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Posted on August 3, 2010

From The Beachwood Tweet Deck

Taking on the world’s most pressing issues . . .
1. Think you can host YOUR OWN SHOW? Or know someone who can. The search is on. Go to oprah.com for details. 9:11 PM May 19th via web
2. TheOprahShow The global call to end distracted driving–will you respond? Hang up; put it down; just drive. #gcedd #npz 10:09 AM May 19th via web Retweeted by Oprah and 100+ others
3. Great way to spend a Sunday – “Life” marathon all day on Discovery Channel 6:34 PM Apr 16th via web
4. Time flies – O Mag celebrates its 10th anniversary May 7-9. Join me and my friends in NYC! Tix @ Oprah.com/Oturns10 5:51 PM Apr 5th via web
5. A big No Phone Zone shout-out to ABC’S Cougartown! That’s right guys, talking on your phone while driving IS crazy-dangerous 3:58 PM Mar 26th via OpenBeak

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Posted on August 2, 2010

By David Rutter

1. Blago’s temptation, WTF?
From: The Law Firm of Michael, Gabriel, Raphael and Beelzebub, LLC
To: Legal Representatives of Rod Blagojevich
Re: Inappropriate reference to CEO
Dear Sirs:
We note with alarm and dismay that your client has invoked the name of our client, God (a legally incorporated trademark), without permission and implied our client has involvement and/or interest in the outcome of your client’s recent legal difficulties. Our client has expressed that, WTF, why is He being dragged into this mess?

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Posted on July 30, 2010

By Jerome Haller

Sometimes I feel like a hypocrite when I stand at my post and watch for shoplifters. I once stole candy from a store.
The incident took place while I attended elementary school. On a June afternoon, my sister and I walked to a Jewel to buy candy. I was 10 years old, and she was eight. We planned to share treats during the end-of-the-school-year parties organized by our respective classes.
Once inside the store, we split up. I saw an open bag of Hershey’s Kisses, looked around, and grabbed a couple. I stuffed the goodies in my mouth and put the wrappers in my pocket. Then I walked about 10 feet down the aisle to avoid getting caught in front of the bag.
About five minutes later, my sister stood to my left. Her closed mouth moved rapidly. I noticed a telltale wrapper next to her feet. Then I saw a frowning female cashier behind us. The cashier dragged us up metal stairs to the top floor.

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Posted on July 28, 2010

By Jerome Haller

Early on a recent Sunday morning, a short, bald man limped into the store. He hovered near the front. Shortly afterward, a taller man walked in and headed toward the back. While I chatted with an assistant manager, the two men left the store together.
The assistant looked at me and said the first man served as a lookout. “They stole something,” he said.
The idea that these two losers had punked me made me boil. When I started the job, the Head Guard had told me not to take theft personally. But I can’t help it. When it happens, I feel personally violated.
In short, I wanted these guys. Game on.

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Posted on July 27, 2010

By Jerome Haller

While spending an off day at home, I tried to unwind by watching a foreign film. The movie, Gigante, entertained me. Yet, I could not relax. The plot made me tense because it reminded me about an insidious aspect of my job.
A 2009 movie from Uruguay, Gigante presents a story about the extremes of voyeurism.
The main character, Jara, is a single, overweight security guard in his mid-thirties. The lonely bachelor watches the cleaning crew, cooks and stock boys through a monitor during the third shift at a supermarket.
Jara focuses on Julia as she mops. He’s smitten, but shyness prevents him from talking to her. Instead, Jara acts in a creepy manner. He gets Julia’s name by sneaking a peak at her employment file. He follows her to an exercise studio, a movie theater and an internet cafe. He stalks Julia while she meets a man for dinner, and later chats with him to get information about her. When the store lays Julia off, Jara punches a manager before tracking her down at the beach. The movie ends as they talk.

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Posted on July 26, 2010