By Scott Buckner

There’s nothing like a long-haul trip to take your mind off the hustle, bustle, and overall disgust with the world at-large. Thus was why I found myself on a 650-mile drive last weekend that took me through Indiana, Kentucky, West Virginia and western Virginia.
Here are a few of my more notable observations from the road:
* The Appalachian Mountains may be kindergarten stuff by, say, Rocky Mountain standards, but when you live in Chicago and the only thing you’ve got to compare is Waste Management’s CID landfill along the Bishop Ford in Calumet City, they’re pretty fucking impressive.

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Posted on September 14, 2010

By Brett McNeil

Like other Americans living in Indonesia, I was annoyingly aware of plans by a bigoted Florida blowhard to burn a bunch of Korans. I’d read about Pastor Terry Jones, the aggressively mustachioed eBay furniture salesman turned internationally renowned Islamophobe, and his promised score-settling with the Muslim holy book. Then late last week, the U.S. embassy in Jakarta sent an alert urging ex-pats to avoid local demonstrations against Jones’ promised conflagration. “Americans are advised that there may be anti-American, possibly disruptive, demonstrations,” the embassy warned, “to mark an announced Koran burning on September 11 in Florida.” Hmm. You don’t say.
As I understood his plan from afar, Jones intended to put the Muslim world on notice: The Koran and its teachings were responsible for 9/11. I didn’t exactly follow the details – had the Koran actually financed and organized the 9/11 attacks, or was that still al-Qaeda? – but Jones’ intent was clear enough. By torching a couple hundred paperback copies of the Koran – or even just talking about burning the books – he meant to stick his thumb in the eyes of Muslims everywhere. He meant to insult them, and maybe to provoke them. He meant to denigrate Muslims and their faith, to incinerate it in a pyre of angry evangelical righteousness. Up. Yours. Muslims. That was the message, and it was received loud and clear. From Baghdad to Kabul, Peshawar to Jakarta, they understood perfectly well.

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Posted on September 13, 2010

By David Rutter

1. The World, WTF?
Can anything be more troubling and less satisfying than the state of the entire, damn universe this week? WTF, world. Get a grip.
First, the Rev. Terry Jones, who, believe it or not, is not the most disturbed evangelical wingnut in the wingnut lunchbox, has seized the pulpit with his torch-the-Koran tease. It’s Lucy pulling the football away from Charlie Brown. Except in this script, someone caps Pig Pen in retaliation.
But it’s worse. Donald Trump wants to buy the would-be New York mosque property to . . . save our hurt feelings over Muslims praying? Keep Jones from burning books? Motivate Obama to call and volunteer for The Apprentice? As for WTF, we’d change sides in any geo-political-religiositized debate if only, once and for all, we could determine if that thing on Trump’s head is hair or a thatched roof from Tanzania.
Here’s what it comes down to, sports fans.

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Posted on September 10, 2010

By J.J. Tindall

Congress Wars
Memory is the soil of imagination,
the womb of insight,
the crucible of enlightenment.
I have been lighted, lightened,
as by lightning, by revelation
(which rhymes with revolution).

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Posted on September 8, 2010

By The Beachwood Cheese Castle Affairs Desk

“Wisconsin’s famous Cheese Castle has to find a new home,” Fox Chicago News reported recently.
“The Mars Cheese Castle is along I-94, just over the Wisconsin border, and it has been drawing in tourists since 1947.
“Wisconsin plans to expand the highway, forcing the Cheese Castle to find another place to set up shop.
“It won’t be moving far, though. The owners plan to build a new Cheese Castle about 50 yards away.”
A video tribute in five parts:
1. Welcome to the cheese factory.

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Posted on September 7, 2010

By David Rutter

1. Jody Weis, WTF?
Chicago top cop Jody Weis has gone all Hill Street Blues with a secret summit to order the bad gang guys to stop the grotesque level of public killings. A little killing? Sure, we can deal with that. A few bodies of fellow bangers caught in the crossfire? Cost of doing business.
But, WTF, so many bodies of honor roll students on their way to Scout meetings or church is bad for business. Plus, even the TV stations and newspapers start to notice.

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Posted on September 2, 2010

By Claudia Hunter

I woke up this morning, like most mornings, around 10:30. I immediately realized that the carpet-cleaning people were here, so I grabbed my cell phone (yes, I seriously did this), called the home phone, told my dad I had allergies and didn’t want to come out in my pj’s, and asked if he could bring me some soup and ginger ale.
He actually did it.
That should have tipped me off that today was going to be one of the most abnormal of my life.
As he left the room, I asked where my mother was.
“At the doctor,” he shrugged, and left.
Fast forward two hours.

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Posted on August 31, 2010

By Steve Rhodes

Another round of correspondence from the crossroads of PR and journalism.
*
From: Joanna Goldstein, Porter Novelli
To: Steve Rhodes
Date: July 27
Subject: Story/interview
Hi Steve. Please let me know if you are interested in the following interview or story_idea that’s timely for 8/7 or 8/8 on How to land your dream job @ Lollapalooza.
Looking to land your dream job, look no further when following tips from Adam Ward and Jason Fisher, two regular guys who scored a sweet deal with Gillette, who are putting them to work as Brand Ambassadors after winning the Ultimate Summer Job Contest where they shot and edited a 60-second video expressing their passion for Gillette.

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Posted on August 23, 2010

By David Rutter

1. One Effing Juror, WTF?
A) Blago’s sole conviction – the lying to the FBI rap – seems inconsequential. Don’t be so sure. It’s what got Martha Stewart prison time. It will get Blago time, too. Plus, there are virtually no acceptable grounds to overturn it. Federal verdicts aren’t overturned or successfully appealed on the “I-didn’t-like-how-the-first-case-finished” grounds. There is likely to be no new evidence in that charge. It’s res ipsa loquitur. WTF, go look it up yourself. What am I, Wikipedia?
B) The creeping, insidious corruption of Illinois politics has a real face and a tangible effect on our public life. Jo Ann Chiakulas, the juror who rejected American jurisprudence and decided on her own that plotting a crime is not itself a crime, is the face of that reality.

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Posted on August 20, 2010

By Drew Adamek

I’ve been reading over my last couple of lists and it struck me that a reader could reasonably infer that I am a dark and unhappy person.
It seems I am writing more “barely survived” this and “contemplating suicide” that and “many are my struggles” than I actually feel.
One could get the impression that I spend a lot of time hanging on to a dark and gloomy emotional precipice, hanging on for my very sanity, saved in the nick of time only by Metallica songs, brooding navel-gazing and the love of a good woman.
While that might have once been true, the real story is that it’s been decades since life has been all that tough. My self-loathing and self-destruction are long, long, long gone.
In fact, life now is pretty fucking good. I’ve got a fantastic wife, a rewarding career and a cadre of lifelong friends. I live in a great town, have a super apartment and very little daily stress. I like my life; I treasure the unique experiences I get to have and I wouldn’t trade for any other life in the world.
I am, dare I say, happy.
Sure, I want more money and recognition but I really am living my best-case scenario. The comfort and ease of my life now makes all that long-ago negative shit seem like it simply belongs to someone else.
And yes, sometimes depression and anxiety creep up, but I am old enough and smart enough now to know how to use effective coping skills.
Writing about that distant, dysfunctional time is easy. It is a rich vein of material; the anguish and struggle from back then are dramatic and memorable. My current life of watching Family Guy every night at 6 and going to the farmer’s market on Thursdays is much harder source material to use in building a compelling narrative.
I like pessimism and doom-and-gloom because it is comforting to think everything sucks from the outset so there is nothing I can do to make it any better. But the truth is that happiness requires responsibility, and I ain’t so big on that. My happiness requires perspective and gratitude, healthy attitudes I am still learning.
Happiness also takes work and practice; it doesn’t come with the instant gratification I think I deserve. I have to always remind myself how good I have it and how far God has brought me.
Here, then, are things that make me really fucking happy:

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Posted on August 15, 2010