Chicago -
By David Rutter
1. Blago sentencing blather, WTF?
On the theory that political scum pusher Tony Rezko deserved 10 years in prison, there’s no reason to be shy about his royal patron.
After Rod Blagojevich gets his presumed two-digit sentence on Tuesday, there will be the usual post-perp walk platitudes about “sending a message that we won’t tolerate political corruption” yada yada. As much as wish that was the explicit transaction at hand, it’s not.
Posted on December 2, 2011
By City Soles TV
Aka, Nancy. Her store has been a Wicker Park mainstay for 15 years.
Posted on December 1, 2011
By James Roger Brown/Sociologist, Intelligence Collector and Analysis Methodologist
These suggestions constitute a set of organized strategies and tactics for survival under conditions of a forced encounter with members of extraterrestrial species which have unknown cultural traditions and advanced technology. The official position of the United States Government is that there is no possibility you will ever have to deal with this situation. Based upon the reported extraterrestrial abduction experiences of a significant number of individuals, this is a falsehood. There is no stated or implied warranty or guarantee that following these suggestions will result in a favorable outcome should anyone attempt to use them. Neither James Roger Brown nor The Sociology Center assumes any liability for their use or attempted use. Use these suggestions at your own risk.
The official United States Government position denying the existence and presence on Earth of extraterrestrials creates a hardship on citizens who have encounters with technologically advanced nonhuman species. There is a complete absence of any rational guidance from government and nongovernment crisis management organizations for citizens to follow managing such encounters.
The forms of possible interactions with extraterrestrials range from immediate death to the repeated collection from specific individuals of biological samples or information. The experiences reported by abductees run the gamut from feelings of terror and powerlessness to friendship and cooperation with the operations conducted by extraterrestrials. Extraterrestrials here as part of nonhuman government or military operations will be operating under one or more of the following, a mission plan, rules of engagement, legal code, health protocols, bureaucratic operating manuals, medical protocols, scientific protocols, intelligence collection protocols, and contamination control protocols. Extraterrestrial contractors, or their equivalent, working for a government or military will be operating under contract or order specifications. Robotic devices will be operating under some type of programming and may or may not be able to make independent decisions. Nonhuman species may be unfamiliar and frightening, but social processes, division of labor, command or management structures, and bureaucracies are familiar things you can comprehend through observation and rational thought.
Modified instructions for situations involving human abductors and hostage-takers may be of some use dealing with extraterrestrial abductors.
Posted on November 28, 2011
By J.J. Tindall
Holiday
This insistent lathe of mind
concocts a life of sorts
from the howl and whirl
of the surging earth.
It hums on without our steering.
Queer. God: give it a rest.
Posted on November 21, 2011
By David Rutter
1. Jim Belushi, WTF?
Wheaton’s own first brother has vowed to put an end to gout.
We wish he’d try to put end to his lousy sitcoms.
Says the story: “Belushi, in association with Savient Pharmaceuticals, is helping to launch Check Out Your Gout, an education campaign about gout.”
Expect red ribbons around toes any day now. This may be what happens when all the good diseases are taken.
Posted on November 18, 2011
By The Beachwood Train Delay Affairs Desk
HAL-EL
“[Beep beep beep!]. Your attention, please. The train is experiencing a delay because workers are on the tracks trying to stop me. They will be eliminated shortly.”
HILL-EL
“Your attention, please. The train is experiencing a delay as the Jews are on the tracks ahead . . . ”
JOR-EL
“Your attention, please. The train is experiencing a delay because General Zod is currently crushing the son of Jor-El’s hands on the tracks ahead. We hope to be moving shortly.”
Posted on November 17, 2011
By ChikangooCrew
“An impromptu Chikangoo Crew debut featuring a few members free styling this past Saturday. We’re dancing on boots called Kangoo Jumps. Enjoy! And don’t forget to check us out at www.chikangoo.com or join us – www.meetup.com/chikangoo.”
Posted on November 16, 2011
By PublicDomain101 via Universal Newsreels
“Newsreel footage from November 15, 1933. Chicago, IL: Exclusive pictures of a hectic pushball game in which the Freshmen of Loyola University defeat the Sophomores in a wild battle for a prize beer keg, after many players suffer bumps and bruises.”
Posted on November 14, 2011
By A Person Who Wishes To Remain Anonymous
I could sense him staring at me, watching me from around the corner. He had done it a few times.
I was 12 years old, and I worked at a newsstand in a northern suburb that summer. He was an older man with bad skin and a wispy combover. He creeped me out, but I was smart, I thought. I wouldn’t let anything weird happen.
Then he came from around the corner and approached me. He started talking to me – asked my name, what I liked to do. He bought a newspaper and tipped me a few bucks. Then he asked if I wanted to earn some money. Oh, and he’d give me some pot. I said okay. I knew it was weird, but I thought I was worldly enough to handle whatever he did. I was 12, after all.
Posted on November 11, 2011
By David Rutter
1. JoePa and State Pen U, WTF?
Tell yourself as you click your heels together. Football is just a game. Foot . . . ball . . . is . . . just . . . a . . . game.
On the theory that Joe Paterno has been in a jet that has flown over Chicago, we are going to appropriate this story.
First, to prove that Paterno is a noble man and Penn State is a lofty fortress of thinking, 2,000 students riot. Okay, I’m convinced.
Second, if you’ve ever wondered what it means that college sports has gotten bigger than the universities that sponsor them, consider that they will still play the Nebraska-Penn State game this Saturday because, well, it’s important. So, so important. Raped children? Coverup? That’s too bad, but it can’t be allowed to interfere with the higher purpose. Penn State is not shamed into deep mourning and contemplation; it’s just “managing” the controversy.
Posted on November 11, 2011
