By Zay N. Smith
QT Quadrennial Offering of Solace to Whichever Half of the Nation Isn’t Happy the Morning After:
These words are being written before the polls close.
Just know about Dick Tuck.
Tuck made his fame as a political prankster who liked to go after Richard Nixon.
There was the time Nixon was starting a whistle-stop speech from the back of a train.
Tuck put on a railroad cap, grabbed a railroad lantern and waved the train out of the station.
Tuck ran for the California State Senate in 1966.
He lost.
He stepped before the public and delivered a concession speech that has not been surpassed:
“The people have spoken. . . the bastards.”
And now we move on.
Ron Micetic, a Bloomington, Ill., reader, regarding QT’s wondering, if a group of larks is an exaltation of larks, what a group of politicians should be called, writes:
“A cacophony of politicians.”
But the cacophony is done.
The people having spoken.
And we move on.
News Headline: “Obama wins re-election in tight race.”
News Headline: “2016 presidential field already a mix of well-knowns and long shots.”
Did you enjoy your brief moment of moving on?
The next presidential campaign is under way.
One Thousand Four Hundred Sixty-Three days to go.
QT What Passes for Miracles These Days Update:
An image of the cross of Jesus has appeared in the tarnish on a spoon in Lancaster, Pa.
News Item: Dying man confesses to a 1995 murder in Nashville, Tenn., and then recovers.
Mention this to any friends who think they are having a bad day.
News Headline: “Republican voter suppression efforts fail.”
News Headline: “Thieves thwarted by local residents.”
The two stories seemed to go together, for some reason.
News Headline: “Romney surrogate: Obama should ‘learn to be an American.’ ”
News Headline: “Rush Limbaugh: Obama ‘hates’ America.”
News Headline: “Newt Gingrich: Obama has ‘Kenyan’ world view.”
News Headline: “Donald Trump: Obama possibly a Muslim.”
We are taught that the defeated should be treated with magnanimity.
QT will follow this rule even with those who worked endlessly to incite racial suspicions in our electorate.
Just a few words here to these people about the election result:
Choke on it.
Is that magnanimous enough?
News Headline: “Psychopaths gravitate toward journalism?”
Right. Another of those studies.
As if QT needed any more proof that it has enemies everywhere it looks.
The number of Google hits for “tap-dancing militant Islamic fundamentalists” is now 1,490, for those keeping track.
The number grows.
It grows slowly.
But it grows.
QT Early Warning System:
“Casablanca 2.”
News Item: Svengoolie hospitalized after heart attack.
News Item: Studies show laughter improves health.
Dear Svengoolie:
QT does not have many heroes, but you, of course, are one.
So QT will do the one thing in its power to speed your recuperation.
It will dedicate to you the only real joke it has ever managed to make up:
Q. What do you call a drunken upholsterer?
A. A recovering alcoholic.
Don’t you feel better already?
And now you can go after that Rich Koz guy who keeps claiming he is you.
News Headline: “Naked man throws rocks at swans as temperature nears freezing.”
There is probably an interesting story behind that.
From Poor QT’s Almanack:
On this day in history 1,404 years ago the Third Council of Constantinople convened and, well, it seemed important at the time.
QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
Joe Mitzenmacher, a River Forest reader, writes:
“Regarding your ‘grilled carne asada steak tacos,’ or grilled grilled steak steak tacos: In a similar vein, the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim are the The Angels Angels of Anaheim.”
And now we’re in the neighborhood of the La Brea Tar Pits, or the The Tar Tar Pits.
We recently finished Daylight Saving Time, not Daylight Savings Time, by the way.
Write to QT at qt@beachwoodreporter.com
QT appears Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.
Posted on November 7, 2012