Another Beachwood Special Report
“Amtrak is betting millions of dollars to transform Union Station into an entertainment and tourist destination, complete with restaurants and outdoor cafes, retail, a hotel and even a grocery store,” the Tribune reports.
“Amtrak wants to open up thousands of square feet of space long closed to the public, literally throwing open the doors to the 90-year-old building in a bid to return the landmark station to its heyday in the 1940s and ’50s.
“Hidden deep inside Union Station are palatial rooms with 33-foot-high ceilings and assorted alcoves that have been mothballed for decades. During the golden age of passenger rail, those spaces were filled with ritzy restaurants, coffee shops (including the fabled Harvey House), a dance hall, tailoring shops specializing in custom suits, law offices and more.”
That’s nothing compared to what’s on the way, the Beachwood has learned. To wit:
* Per governor’s order, will now be called Right to Work Station; free riders permitted to opt out of paying fare.
* New Rick Bayless restaurant: El Loco Motive!
* Slots. Tons of slots.
* Burrito Beach will now have a beach.
* Shoe shine service to add mustache waxing.
* Hall of Rahm to showcase his impact on the train industry over the years.
* Hello, Navy Pier Ferris wheel!
* New marble floor really made of marbles.
* Totally unencrypted Wi-Fi.
* Brewpub featuring Amtrak Ale: For when you’re no longer drinking for pleasure.
* The old Beachwood jukebox.
* Alinea To-Go.
* The new Uber track; hail a train driven by some schmo off the street!
* The new Snuggery will have a VIP room complete with mustard pretzels, more self-pity and loathing.
* Redmoon Theater will set a train on fire every 15 minutes.
* Paper bag Tall Boy craft cocktails will be available for the long ride to Elburn.
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Contributing: Nick Shreders, Tim Willette, Mike Luce, Tom Chambers, Steve Rhodes
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Comments welcome.
Posted on July 2, 2015