By The Beachwood Blago Rock Affairs Desk
1. I Fought The Law
Shaking down donors for another run
I fought the law and the law won
I fought the law and the law won
Microphone planted in my hair bun
I fought the law and the law won
I fought the law and the law won
I had a Senate seat to fill
That was worth its weight in gold
Didn’t want to give it to Candidate 1
Unless she did what she was told
Planted an item in the column of Sneed
I fought the law and the law won
I fought the law and the law won
A pathological liar with insatiable greed
I fought the law and the law won
I fought the law and the law won
I told Sam Zell what he’d have to do
If he wanted to sell Wrigley Field
I bumped my head when I was a kid
And apparently it hasn’t healed
The children’s hospital would not play ball
I fought the law and the law won
I fought the law and the law won
And they think I’m the one with gall
I fought the law and the law won
I fought the law and the law won
I got arrested and it feels so bad
Guess my race is run
I was gonna be president in 2016
I fought the law and the law won
I fought the law and the law won
*
2. The Blago Boat Song
Blago. Bla-a-a-go
Feds have come, and they at your front door
Blago. Bla-a-a-go
Feds have come, and they at your front door
Want to know, will you implicate Obama,
(Feds have come, and they at your front door)
No pay for play Blago, even if you wanna,
(Feds have come, and they at your front door)
The heat was on, but you still went for broke,
(Feds have come, and they at your front door)
Thanks for making us a national joke,
(Feds have come, and they at your front door)
Blago. Bla-a-a-go
Feds have come, and they at your front door.
*
3. Sweet Home Blago
Come on
Valerie, don’t you wanna go
Come on
Oh baby don’t you wanna go
To Obama’s old seat
Sweet new home for Blago
Come on
Jesse, don’t you wanna go
Hidehey
Baby don’t you wanna go
To Obama’s old seat
Sweet new home for Blago
Well, one and one is two
Six and two is eight
Come on baby pony up the freight
Hidehey
Baby don’t you wanna go
To Obama’s old seat
Sweet new home for Blago
Come on
Emil, don’t you wanna go
To Obama’s old seat
Sweet new home for Blago
Six and three is nine
Nine and nine is eighteen
It can be yours if you show me the green
Hidehey
Baby don’t you wanna go
To Obama’s old seat
Sweet new home for Blago
Oh come on
Luis, don’t you wanna go
Come on
Baby don’t you wanna go
To Obama’s
Sweet new home for Blago
*
4. The Stairway to Oxford
Theres a gov’nor who’s sure
All that glitters is gold
And he’s buying a stairway to Oxford
When he gets there he knows
That he’ll recognize his foes
That he’ll have to be their girlfriend
Ooh, ooh, and he’s buying a stairway to Oxford
There’s a mirror on the wall
And he wants to be sure
’cause you know sometimes hair doesn’t go right
In a tree by the brook
There sits another crook,
Sometimes all of our friends are convicted.
Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it makes me wonder.
There’s a feeling I get
When I look to my left
And see old Rosty at Gene & Georgetti’s
In my thoughts I have seen
Presidential seals through the trees,
And the voices of those who stand mocking
Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it really makes me wonder.
And its whispered that soon
If we all call the tune
Then Fitzgerald will lead us to reason.
And a new day will dawn
For those who stand long
And Jay Stewart will echo with laughter.
If there’s an agent in your hedgerow
Dont be alarmed now,
Its just a spring clean for Fitzgerald
Yes, there are two paths you can go by
But in the long run
There’s still time to change the plea you’re on.
And it makes me wonder.
Your head is humming and it won’t go
In case you don’t know,
George Ryan’s calling you to join him,
Dear Blago, can you hear the wind blow,
And did you know
You get 12 cents an hour in the laundry
And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our soul.
There walks a First Lady lady we all know
Who learned from dad and Rezko
How ev’rything can turn to gold.
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last.
When all are one and one is all
To be a rat or take the fall
And he’s buying a stairway to Oxford
*
5. Suspicious Minds
– sung by Blago looking in the mirror
We’re caught in a trap
I can’t walk out
Because I love you too much baby
Why can’t you see
What you’re doing to me
When you don’t believe a word I say?
We can’t go on together
With suspicious minds
And we can’t build our dreams
On suspicious minds
So, if an old friend I know
Drops by to say hello
Would I still see suspicion in their eyes?
Here we go again
Asking where I’ve been
You can’t see these tears are real
I’m crying
We can’t go on together
With suspicious minds
And be can’t build our dreams
On suspicious minds
Oh let our love survive
Or dry the tears from your eyes
Let’s don’t let a good thing die
When honey, you know
I’ve never lied to you
Mmm yeah, yeah
*
6. Sweet Home Illinois
Big indictments keep on turning
Sendin’ another pol to the pen
Singing songs about the Combine
I miss Illinois once again
I don’t think it’s a sin
Well, I heard the goo-goos sing about her
Well, I heard the BGA put her down
Well, I hope Jay Stewart will remember
The Combine don’t need him around anyhow
Sweet home Illinois
Where the bills are never due
Sweet home Illinois
Tell me again, who sent you?
In Springfield they hate the gov’nor
And they hate Emil Jones too
George Ryan did not bother them
And they think Pat Quinn is a fool
Yes they do
Sweet home Illinois
It’s always the same old crew
Sweet Home Illinois
Michael Madigan too
Here I come Illinois
Now Springfield has got the Combine
And they’ve been known to pick a pocket or two
Lord they piss me off so much
Especially when my taxes are due
Now how about you?
Sweet home Illinois
Where the ethics are few
Sweet Home Illinois
Cellini’s there too
Sweet home Illinois
Oh sweet home baby
Where they call prison “going to school”
And the governor’s a fool
Sweet Home Illinois
Lordy
Lord, I’m coming home to you
*
7. Your [Bleep]ing Heart
Your [bleep]ing heart
will make you weep
You’ll cry and cry
and try to [bleep]ing sleep
But sleep won’t come
the whole God [bleep]ing night through
Your [bleep]ing heart
Will tell on you
When tears come down
like [bleep]ing rain
You’ll toss around
and [bleep]ing [bleep] up my name
[bleep] them!
You’re gonna [bleep bleep bleeeeeep] floor [bleeeeeeeep]
Your [bleep]ing heart
Will [bleep]ing [bleep] on [bleep bleeeeeeep bleep]ing [Senate Candidate 5]
– Rick Kaempfer, Tim Willette, Steve Rhodes
Posted on December 10, 2008