Chicago - A message from the station manager

The [Thursday] Papers

By Steve Rhodes

1. Feds Ask For 90-Day Delay In Lawmaker Probe Of Quinn Grants.
So, indictments in 89 days.


2. Cubs Take New Swing At Landmark Commission On Wrigley Changes.
Compromise plan includes a sign to be named later.
3. CTA To Upgrade Subway Wireless Service To 4G.
So you can more clearly tell your boss you’re gonna be late because of the CTA.
4. “In the death review the department handed over to WBEZ, where it asks, ‘Was an earlier intervention possible?’ the answer is redacted.”
Well, to be fair, that’s according to a FOIA provision allowing for redaction of information revealing complicity in the end of a person’s life under state care. It’s easy to miss because it’s in invisible ink and requires special decoder glasses to spot. Even then, you have to kind of tilt the paper and squeeze your eyes real hard and then scream “Fuck you!” to see it.
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“WBEZ asked Quinn’s office about the medical director’s refusal to discuss medical care. After an initial conversation the governor’s office simply ignored follow-up calls and e-mails from WBEZ.”
5. “Parents And 21st Ward Residents Protest Ald. Howard Brookins, Who Vows To Support A Charter Operation Under Investigation By The FBI.”
Also, parents protesting a charter operation for supporting an alderman under investigation by the FBI.
6. “Fahlstrom’s Fresh Fish Market to Offer ‘Seafood Version Of Potbelly’s.”
Codbelly’s?
7. “Why Potbelly’s Stock Is Down Over 30% This Year.”
New competition from the seafood sector?
8. Innocent Man Accidentally Locked In Cook County Jail For 31 Hours.
Well, that’s a lot less than we usually lock innocent men up for.
9. “Naperville Police Blotter: Beer Stolen From Garage.”
I’d hardly call Miller Lite beer.
10. “6 Minutes A Day For Bathroom Breaks? Union Cries Foul.”
At a company called WaterSaver. Really.
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“‘They offered $1 per day for anyone who doesn’t go to the bathroom at all,’ said Nick Kreitman, senior business agent for Teamsters Local 730.”
You, WaterSaver Faucet Co., are Today’s Worst Employer in Chicago.
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“As manufacturing in the United States has declined, we find it increasingly difficult to recruit employees that have the skills we need to operate,” WaterSaver says under “Employee Development” on its website.
And I can sympathize – Americans no longer want to hold their bladders for as long as they used to. We’re getting soft.
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“Our decision to remain and expand in the City of Chicago may accentuate this skills gap.”
I thought Rahm’s STEM program was supposed to teach us how to hold it in longer.
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Hey, don’t do us any favors. After all, us taxpayers ponied up $5.2 million in TIF money for a company handed down to you by your daddy and his daddy.
If our workforce spends too much time in the bathroom on top of that, expand the plant you built in Mexico and ship the jobs there. We’ll retain our dignity.
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FYI: Here’s Rahm shaking hands with WaterSaver employees in 2012, possibly joking that they spend too much time in the bathroom.
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BeachBook
* Former Topless Club Owner Rick Rizzolo Indicted On Tax Evasion Charges.
“For years, Rizzolo was linked to a series of organized crime figures, including Joseph Cusumano, a reputed lieutenant of Anthony Spilotro, the Chicago mob’s overseer in Las Vegas. The bodies of Spilotro and his brother Michael were found buried in an Indiana cornfield in 1986.
“Rocco Lombardo, the brother of 85-year-old former Chicago mob boss Joseph ‘Joey the Clown’ Lombardo, worked as a doorman at the Crazy Horse Too under Rizzolo’s leadership.”
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TweetWood


Isn’t it time a news organization – or a consortium of news organizations – sued CPS for rampant, widespread and purposeful violations of FOIA? Also, they lie so much I’m thinking racketeering, conspiracy and fraud charges.
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Barbara Byrd-Bennett, we’ve found your next employer.
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The Beachwood Tip Line: Live in italics.

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Posted on July 10, 2014