By Jonathan Shipley
A weekly roundup from Shipley’s nightstand.
Soul Hole
The cover story of the January 25th issue of Rolling Stone is a warm tribute to the life, times, and music of James Brown. However, on page three there’s a picture of his corpse as well as a picture of Michael Jackson embracing Al Sharpton. And the only one who looks alive and well is Sharpton.
Space, the Capitalist Frontier
Richard Branson wants you to fly Virgin Galactic – into space. The December issue of Wired reports that Virgin is selling seats for just $200,000. Industry analysts say the real money will be made selling overpriced CDs to a captive market.
Fair Warning
I’m sure the February issue of Vanity Fair is pretty good. There’s a cover story on Demi Moore. There’s a story about John McCain and his possible 2008 Presidential run. There’s a story about the new Broadway show based on Joan Didion’s wonderful book, The Year of Magical Thinking. But I’ll never really know because I can’t get near it. Boy, you stink, Vanity Fair! Thank your cologne advertiser Acqua Di Gio for nothing.
Alternate Analysis
Am I supposed to read this magazine, or wear it?
Fuel Pimps
The January/February issue of Mental Floss has a fun “Where Are They Now?” piece that asks, for example, where full-service gas stations have gone. The answer: New Jersey and Oregon, where it’s actually illegal to pump your own gas. The reason? They banned self-pumping in 1949 and 1951, respectively, for fear that customers would inadvertently light themselves on fire. That is the reason, by the way, my father is completely hairless; he blew himself up trying to put gas in his father’s 1940 Mercury Mercaholic Coupe. My dad is now in a traveling circus but refuses to ride in a car. He travels via ox cart.That’s my dad – Dave “The Hairless Ox Cart Man” Shipley.
Pope Sneezy
Pope Urban VIII issued a worldwide ban on smoking and threatened to excommunicate anyone who smoked in holy places because he thought sneezing too closely resembled sexual ecstasy, according to the January/February issue of The Atlantic. Many years later, Pope Benedict XIII repealed the smoking ban, though sexual ecstasy remains against Church law to this day.
Pussy Whipped
A Tennessee man is suing authorities for $1.5 million in damages from “emotional pain and suffering” after they raided his house and seized 114 frozen cat corpses, according to the January 19th edition of The Week. He hopes to use the money to buy a bigger freezer.
Posted on January 19, 2007