By Scott Buckner
It’s Tuesday night and there’s nothing really remarkable on TV except the Miami Inked marathon on TLC. I’m rather partial to shows like this because I have a half-dozen tattoos and I’d like a whole bunch more – and at this point in my life, I actually can, without a wife threatening me with a future of living in my car if I dare get another. And really, the folks on Miami Inked do some of the greatest work on the planet. Period. These people are total artists, plain and simple.
In every single case, they take what the client walks in with – even if it’s strange or badly drawn – and turn into into a piece of body work that is absolutely breathtaking. And it’s even more breathtaking when you consider that they only get one shot at the piece. There’s just no room to fuck up. And really, if the same standard applied to us and our jobs, most of us would be hopelessly fucked.
The thing is, a lot of these clients who show up on Miami Inked – and some of them are pretty scary and very Paul Bunyan-like – get tattoos that symbolize some exceptionally tender moments of their lives. Matter of fact, a lot of them show up on camera having a hard time keeping things together while discussing what brought them into the Inked shop. I don’t know about anyone else, but I think there’s something to be said about a tough guy moved so easily to tears over his dead dog in relation to his expectations for a tattoo that’ll stay with him forever, for better or worse. And I think there’s something even more to be said about the tattooists on Miami Inked who can bring the passion these clients feel to life in an some incredible realistic ways.
Interestingly enough, I’ve seen the same level of work coming out of the scariest parts of Gary, Indiana, but until they get their own show, I’ll stick to the fine work being put out by certain tattoo guys in the Hessville neighborhood of Hammond. Not that I have anything against anyone in Scary Gary, but I like my car staying like it is without the bullet holes and my life insurance premiums staying what they are, thankyouverymuch.
Like any other Miami Inked program, these tattooists do some of the greatest fucking work on the planet, regardless of whether they’re creating a whole new design or freehandedly covering up something a client wants to cover up. My only disagreement through the whole marathon was with some client doofus who comments, “If you’re just copying stuff, that’s not good enough.” That’s not the point. During the Miami Inked marathon, I saw some pretty rough client drawings brought to splendid life, and designs “copied” by the tattooists brought to life in ways the clients couldn’t have envisioned in the first place.
Everyone in the market for a new tattoo should be so lucky to get anyone who works on the levels of the Miami Inked artists. Even if you’re just getting a heart that says “Mom.”
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Speaking of TLC, tonight’s previews show the return of a program called One Week To Save Your Marriage, which I’m told is hosted by some psychotherapist named Robi Ludwig. I didn’t see last season’s One Week programs, so I don’t have an opinion one way or another about this series. However, reality shows being what they are, I’m going to guess that Robi Ludwig saves enough marriages within a week to put her in front of Maria Goretti in line for canonization as a Catholic saint. Having been there and done far longer than an actual week, I’m just going to be prejudiced and dismiss the whole thing as bullshit.
Still, I’ll be following this One Week because – ahem – there’s just NO FUCKING WAY any therapist beyond the miracle-working Lord Jesus Christ can save a marriage within a week. Not even if you’re Dr. Phil sticking three or four couples in a “Big Brother”-type house to save their marriages within a week or three. Been there, done that; it just doesn’t fucking happen – not in week, not in a month, often not even in a year
If saviors like Dr. Phil and Robi Ludwig can actually save a marriage within a week – or even a month – boy, have I got an impossible challenge for them. In the meantime, snicker along with me and the rest of the world grounded in true marital reality.
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Read more Buckner, in the What I Watched Last Night archives.
Posted on March 21, 2007