By The Beachwood Top Ten Affairs Desk
10. Hired Truck contract came through.
9. Suffering PTSD from watching bin Laden raid in uncomfortable chair.
8. Can make more money off the public sector from the private sector.
7. Just found out the governor’s mansion is in Springfield.
6. Upcoming report will show he uses PEDs.
5. Couldn’t find a running mate he truly bonded with.
4. Pat Quinn threatened to release video of Daley complaining about the 47 percent of Illinoisans who don’t bank with Chase.
3. Wants to focus on getting Sheila Simon elected comptroller.
2. Campaign was just a Jimmy Kimmel prank.
1. Michael Madigan reneged on promise to retire.
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Another 10 reasons:
* Just found out State of Illinois building isn’t the governor’s mansion.
* Just discovered My Morning Jacket and he’s hitting the road.
* Doesn’t have the testicular virility to meet the enormity of the task.
* Report from exploratory committee finally came back and it was a doozy.
* JPMorgan Chase needs him elsewhere.
* Walking disaster theme not polling well.
* Met the middle-class he was fighting for and discovered he doesn’t like them.
* Divorce file reveals who hired Angelo Torres.
* Tired of fighting with Bruce Rauner over who would get the top of the ticket.
* This.
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Comments welcome.
Posted on September 17, 2013