By The Beachwood Bookmaking Bureau
Chicago mayor Rahm Emanuel has made the usual boring bet – Eli’s cheesecake, big surprise! – with Los Angeles mayor Antonio Villaraigosa over the current playoff series between the Blackhawks and Kings, with Villaraigosa responding in kind.
We have our own ideas about what would constitute a fine wager.
If the Blackhawks win . . .
* Los Angeles gets a whole bunch of new parking meters.
* Los Angeles must take Jim Belushi and Jenny McCarthy.
* Los Angeles must send us some real celebrities.
* Los Angeles must send us 50 new, utilized schools.
* We swap governors at midnight.
* We swap UIC for USC.
* The Hollywood sign becomes the Beachwood sign.
* The Oscars are renamed the Eberts.
* The Los Angeles Times becomes a Tribune paper. Er, wait . . .
* The Los Angeles Times reassigns its photo staff to the Chicago Sun-Times.
If the Kings win . . .
* A new Jumbotron for Dodger Stadium!
* Chicago must take Ari Emanuel back.
* Hot Doug’s Hollywood!
* Tribune Company must sell the LA Times to Steven Spielberg.
* Please welcome Tyrannosaurus Sue to the La Brea Tar Pits!
* Lollapalooza becomes LApalooza.
* The Hollywood sign becomes the Beachwood sign.
* Disneyland gets Museum of Science and Industry’s Lincoln head mold-o-rama machine.
* Outfit provides free cement for expansion of Grauman’s Chinese Theater sidewalk.
* Art Institute to curate Hollywood Wax Museum.
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Comments welcome.
Posted on June 3, 2013