Impact Would Be Deep, Wide, Ironic
“The White House on Sunday detailed how the deep spending cuts set to begin this week would affect programs in every state and the District, as President Obama launched a last-ditch effort to pressure congressional Republicans to compromise on a way to stop the across-the-board cuts,” the Washington Post reports.
Illinois, according to the White House, would lose $33.4 million in primary and secondary education funding; $6.4 million in clean air and water funding; and services to approximately 2,700 children enrolled in Head Start, among other cuts.
While that’s bad enough, a Beachwood analysis has found the White House left out a whole lotta stuff, including:
* Pat Quinn only allowed to describe Illinoisans as “good,” not “good and true.”
* CPS forced to use 1965 textbooks instead of 1982 textbooks.
* Chicago police chief Garry McCarthy only allowed to introduce one new strategy a week instead of three.
* One less pension crisis summit a week.
* Pension crisis summits catered by Arby’s, not Boston Market.
* Coke and Pepsi replaced by RC in state vending machines.
* Chicago City Council loses subsidy for rubber stamp ink pads.
* Construction will be halted at Peotone airport.
* One less aldermanic prosecution a week.
* FBI must turn off 10 percent of its wiretaps.
* Red Line to stop only at stations whose name ends in a vowel.
* CPS lunches to contain one less flaming cheeto per serving.
* TSA strip searches to be performed by baggage handlers.
* Field Museum forced to only exhibit Pleistocene Era.
* 90/94 becomes 50/47.
* Roosevelt Road to be re-named for Teddy, not Franklin.
* Cook County Jail meals to contain one less flaming cheeto per serving.
* Great Lakes to become just Pretty Good Lakes.
* Museum of Science and Industry to be just Industry.
* MSI U-505 sub to be recommissioned by U.S. Navy.
* Millennium Park to become Century Park.
* Public offices to automatically stay in the family to save money on pretend elections.
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Comments welcome.
Posted on February 25, 2013