By Zay N. Smith
News Headline: “Ann Romney: Mormon missions and U.S. military are ‘different ways of serving.’ ”
And while we are at it, Paul Ryan once had a summer job at a McDonald’s.
So he served, too.
News Item: Study suggests that the average person blinks more than 50 times a minute when lying.
The QT Institute for the Prolonged Study of Things has taken a scientific approach here.
It observed the blinks of President Obama and Mitt Romney for three randomly chosen one-minute segments each during the debates.
The average blinks per minute:
Obama: 75.
Romney: 67.
So we have scientific proof that Obama and Romney are. . . not average persons.
Do you think the Job Creators who are against equal pay for women would be satisfied if we accomplished it by lowering the pay for men?
News Headline: “When will we get a ‘Snakes on a Plane’ sequel?”
Probably never.
But Karl Weiszhaar, a Denver reader, writes:
“If American Airlines can’t figure out how to keep seats bolted to the floor, we may need to bring stakes on the plane.”
And K.B., a South Park, Pa., reader, writes:
“You can call it pityriasis capitis. You can call it dandruff. I call it flakes on a mane.”
And Phil Halprin, a Schaumburg reader, writes:
“Could it be that Mitt Romney was fooling around with capital gains on his tax returns? Could there be fakes in the gains?”
And. . . .
MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough criticizing Mitt Romney’s lack of respect for President Obama:
“There are independent voters who believe a president should be treated with deference because he is the commander in chief.”
No.
A president doesn’t take his importance from being commander in chief.
A commander in chief takes his importance from being president.
Thank you for bearing with QT in this slight distinction.
Upon which our entire governmental system is based.
News Item: “Organizers of a Swedish Christmas market said there will be no nativity scene in order to keep the market ‘politically and religiously independent.’ ”
Pssst. It’s OK.
QT knows a back alley where you can pick up a few Advent calendars.
The Case for Zero Tolerance of Modern School Administrators:
Schools in Montgomery County, Md., have replaced the grade F for Fail with N for “Not Yet Making Progress.”
The school system announced, also, that honor rolls will be discontinued until it has completed “redefining what it means to be on an honor roll.”
News Headline: “Tagg Romney jokes about taking a swing at President Obama.”
It seems Mitt Romney did not raise his sons correctly.
One does not take swings at other people.
One dispatches someone to do these things.
The Not Me Decade, in Which Everybody Else Is Responsible for Everything, Continues:
A man who fell off a mechanical bull in an Austin, Texas, bar has sued because, while the bar required him to sign a “Release and Assumption of Risk,” it did not require him to read the full document so he would understand that people who climb onto a mechanical bull might fall off it.
QT Early Warning System:
A slight printing error has been discovered on absentee ballots in Palm Beach County, Fla.
News Headline: “‘Teen Mom’ endorses Romney.”
News Headline: “Honey Boo Boo endorses Obama.”
Eighteen days to go.
We Have Seen the Present, and It Does Not Work:
Porsche has started introducing its 2014 models.
Today’s Birthdays: “Tannhauser,” 167; “I Want to Hold Your Hand,” 49.
QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
Beverly Feldt, a Homewood reader, writes:
“I think it is time your seminar took up the matter of ‘fewer’ and ‘less.'”
All right.
“Less” refers to a quantity that can’t be counted, and “fewer” refers to a quantity that can.
So if your supermarket checkout offers a sign saying “10 Items or Less,” take out a pen, cross out “Less” and write in “Fewer.”
Just tell the supermarket QT said it was OK.
Write to QT at qt@beachwoodreporter.com
QT appears Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.
Posted on October 19, 2012