By The Beachwood Lame-Ass Affairs Desk
It’s hard to tell right now which of our local franchises is the lamest. Here are the contestants:
The White Sox: “The White Sox have struggled to fill the seats this season and the team’s latest move finally embraces a real (but painful) solution: cheaper tickets,” Crain’s reports.
“The Sox announced Tuesday that they’ll offer discount tickets throughout the next three home stands (Twins, Royals and a critical four-game stint with the Tigers). That includes two ‘Value Mondays’ on Sept. 3 and 10, when upper-deck seats will start at $7 (normally $16) and lower-level seats at $17 (normally in the high 30s).”
The White Sox hold a three-game lead over the Tigers in the AL Central. So how lame is that?
The Cubs: Theoball is here. The fundamentals. Playing the game right. Grinding out at-bats. The Cubs rank 24th (out of 30) in fielding percentage and 29th in on-base percentage. And Alfonso Soriano is still the starting left-fielder.
At least the kids are here, though.
“Brett Jackson and Josh Vitters were brought up from Triple-A Iowa on Aug. 5 so the Chicago Cubs could get a long look at the two first-round draft picks,” the Tribune reports. “Both have struggled, but Vitters’ inability to solve major league pitching has earned him a seat on the bench.
“Manager Dale Sveum said he would play Luis Valbuena more at third base in the final five weeks of the season.”
Valbuena? He’s hitting .222 an OBP of .309. So yeah, how lame is that?
The Bears: They won’t accept casino ads because gambling doesn’t fit with the family values exhibited by free agent signee Brandon Marshall.
Now they’ve unveiled a new marketing campaign built around slogans like “It’s Crueler by the Lake.”
How lame is that?
The Bulls: Billy Dec judges Luvabulls tryouts. We think we have a winner.
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Comments welcome.
Posted on August 31, 2012