By Eric Emery
In Over/Under, I cover the extraordinary hype of the NFL. For football fans, the Super Bowl represents the pinnacle of hype. This past weekend, the world of celebrity reached theirs – TomKat.
I accidentally caught five minutes of TomKat coverage, and it was five minutes too much. Still, I’m not the real victim here. That would be Suri. Imagine growing up with the realization that your parent’s marriage was a sham. Then imagine having it documented by Entertainment Tonight. At least the therapists of 2026 need not ask Suri to recount her relationship with her parents.
When an entertainment “analyst” states, “Both should enjoy a career benefit from this marriage. I’d like to look at this without cynicism and believe there is some love there,” well, it’s hard to believe there is love there. We know how fairy tale weddings and castles turn out – just look at Charles and Di.
We all know TomKat is a marriage of convenience. Here are the NFL equivalents:
GreenBrett – Brett Favre needs playing time to secure meaningless stats to break records. The Packers need Favre to avoid admitting they have no viable successor.
MaddeNBC – Madden needs an announcing paycheck since his Outback Steakhouse and Ace Hardware money dried up. NBC needs Madden to avoid having to put one of the Sharpe brothers in the booth.
ESPIrviN – Michael Irvin needs the ESPN paycheck to maintain retainer fees with his team of lawyers. ESPN needs a complete mumbling idiot to maintain the illusion that Chris Berman is witty and knowledgeable.
GreenCard – Dennis Green needs Arizona to avoid his next coaching job at Lipscomb University. Arizona needs Dennis Green to take the brunt of its unrelenting failure as a franchise.
JanderGate – Like all ménage à trois, this ends in shame, divorce, and a doctor’s visit. TO needs teammates to blame for not winning the Super Bowl. Parcells needs TO to blame for returning the Cowboys to their glor days. They each need Vanderjagt to blame to divert attention from their co-dependency.
Last Week: 4-2
Season: 25-37-2
Last Four Weeks: 16-8
Over-hyped: Philadelphia at Indianapolis (Sunday night)
Jeff Garcia starts at QB for the Eagles. Unlikely to finish there. Enough said.
Pick: Indianapolis minus 9 points/Over 44
Under-hyped: Denver at Kansas City (Thanksgiving night)
A heated rivalry with huge playoff implications.
In Week 2, Denver defeated KC 9-6 in OT. Since then, the Broncos have taken the shackles off Plummer – which means more scoring by both teams.Herm Edwards has his Chiefs believing – just in time for him to be out-coached again. The Chiefs are the Chargers-lite. Denver comes out on top.
Pick: Denver minus 1 point/Over 39.5
*
For more Emery, see the Kool-Aid archive, and the Over/Under archive. He can be contacted at Eric_Emery12345@yahoo.com. Or berate him publicly.
Posted on November 22, 2006