By Pat Bataillon
This being the week of Thanksgiving, I want to take this opportunity to thank all the shows that have actually entertained me this season: It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, The Office, and . . . well, that’s it.
As far as the other shows out there are concerned, I want to thank them for making this column so much fun to write. Let us give thanks, then, to the following:
WWF. This brilliant soap opera includes near-naked women and muscular men with limited brainpower – just like the real world! This show appeals to a demographic who think with their Budweiser and pot rather than with their head. Thank you also, WWF, for your twisted take on masculinity.
All metal-related hows on The Discovery Channel. Similiar to WWF, except these programs tend to show some progress by their end. Furthermore, this show appeals a wide demographic because everyone likes metal.
Grey’s Anatomy andDesperate Housewives et al. The amount of drama packed into these shows exceeds reality by at least a factor of 10, and I love them for that. People seem to get shot or cheated on every episode. It’s nuts. Thanks, drama television – by which I mainly mean ABC programming – for all the laughs.
ESPN. Your ability to make so many shows about everything but sport is astounding. Your 20-hour countdown to Monday Night Football is unceasing. Stories of challenged kids winning the big game in the middle of SportsCenter still do not inspire me to do whatever it is I am supposed to do. Thank you, Everything but Sports Programming Network.
The NBC new fall line-up. There are a lot of smash hits out there. That doesn’t mean they’re any good. I will stick to my guns and predict that Heroes will soon be off the air. Soon. Please. Thank you, NBC, in advance.
Fox News. Thank you, Bill O’Reilly, for being such a pinhead. Thank you, Sean Hannity, for being such a douche-bag. And thank you, Fox News, for helping Republicans to wear out their welcome with Americans. I will thank you at this time next year as well.
Thanks also to political pundits, Dog the Bounty Hunter, hippopotamuses on nature shows, Celebreality, Waterworld, reality television, Chuck Norris and, of course, Drew Barrymore. Thank you ,Drew Barrymore, you served up some of my best material and I really appreciate that. Happy Thanksgiving.
Pat Bataillon is the Beachwood’s resident TV-watcher.
Posted on November 22, 2006