Chicago - A message from the station manager

The Weekend Desk Report

By Natasha Julius

The Weekend Desk is a little strapped this week. In light of recent events, we’d laid a healthy chunk of our operating budget on Joe Paterno in the Big Ten Legends death pool. You can imagine our shock when freshly-pacemakered Bo Schembechler beat JoePa to the line. Forgive us if we’re a tad distracted.


Si, Signoras
In the grand tradition of red M&Ms and O.J. Simpson, it appears silicone breast implants have been declared safe for distribution to the American public. So what’s the next potentially dangerous item to be put back into circulation? There are plenty of candidates, but it looks like defense of the Bush Doctrine will head the list.
Facing the Music
The government of the Netherlands has proposed a law to ban the wearing of burqas in public, citing the threat to public order that arises from the use of clothing that covers the face. Just to prove this is not a punitive measure aimed solely at Muslim immigrants, the Dutch parliament is expected to further ban knife throwers, highwaymen, and Halloween.
Window to the World
In case any Muslim Dutch immigrants were wondering what the leaders of a completely different religion were thinking about the burqa ban, the Vatican has weighed in. Cardinal Renato Martino stressed that immigrants should respect the laws and traditions of their host countries, including any ban on face-obscuring clothing. No word yet from Cardinal Martino on whether this respect for the law applies to the well-established Dutch prohibition on crotch-obscuring clothing as well.
Blues Lagoon
We’re guessing Tom Cruise has gotten over his aversion to antidepressants, because we’re thinking it took something considerably stronger than a Xanax tab to get Brooke Shields’ ass to Bracciano this week.

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Posted on November 18, 2006