By Pat Bataillon
When I think of America, I think of raging wild fires in the West and floods in the South and the Twin Towers of the East. Neither I nor John Cougar Mellencamp tend to think about anything in the North, most likely because the North has been pretty much free of natural and terror-related disasters recently.
I am, of course, referring to the advertising stroke of genius known as the new Chevy truck commercials featuring the musical talent of Johnny Cougar Mellencamp, or John Mellencamp or John Cougar – depending on your generation.
Johnny C. sings about what America is to him and us because he is the voice of our country, according to him and the geniuses at Chevrolet. As he belts out “This is our country!” there are great scenic shots of America, including a panning shot of the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina and fires burning out of control in California. The new commercials in the series, using the same song, feature photos of people who define what America is, like that race car driver who died in a car wreck. Well, actually he died racing a car at ludicrous speeds in close quarters with other cars going roughly the same speed in a relatively tight area – roughly a quarter of a mile in a circle. So you be the judge if that describes you.
There are also shots of farmers and men drinking coffee with each other. I can’t remember the last time I was on a farm, and I am from Nebraska. I can’t remember the last time I enjoyed a cup of joe with the fellas. Again, if this describes what you do in your free time, this truck is for you.
After viewing the destruction of Katrina, wild fires, and 9/11, I felt so American that I have decided to
write Chevy’s next commercial. It will open with another Johnny C. song, “Small Town,” and pan through Pearl Harbor on the day of infamy, then to the book depository in Dallas, Texas. For the final part of the commercial they can go with either one of two things: the Oklahoma City bombing or the San Francisco earthquake. That is the CEO’s job to decide, not mine.
As far as a hero who only appeals to one third of Americans? That is tough. Possibly that race car driver drove a Chevy in his races. That really opens a can of worms, though. If he drove a Chevy and he died in a Chevy, well, then maybe Chevy isn’t the car for us.
The people at Chevy think the best way for us to be great Americans is to buy their cars that drink highly priced foreign beverages for every meal and then craps the leftovers into our sky so we can inhale them every time we step outside.
I still don’t know that has to do with fires and hurricanes and terrorist attacks and a past race car driver and men hunting with a couple of dogs, but hey, that’s advertising for ya, it has always been good at duping me into buying products. Remember Mentos? I never got those Mentos commercials but I still bought the product. In those commercials someone would violate a law or social norm, get a weird look from a person that disapproved, and then eat a Mentos and everything was fine. At the very least, eating Mentos only cost us a buck instead of two-and-a-half for a gallon of delicious drink for my huge truck that drinks and farts gas out at an alarming rate. The drink has led us to a war that was caused by a terrorist act. The farts warm up the earth that creates intense hurricanes and severe droughts. And Chevys kill heroes who portray America.
Wow, Chevy trucks really do embrace this country. They they seem to be responsible for all those things we see in their commercials.
Posted on November 14, 2006