By Steve Rhodes
“President Bush and Rep. Nancy Pelosi, the likely speaker of the House, yesterday buried the hatchet – gently – as the two sat down for an Oval Office lunch after a vitriolic campaign that put Democrats in control of Congress for the first time in 12 years.”
– “Bush, Pelosi Look Ahead Over Lunch“
Bush: Thanks for coming.
Pelosi: Thanks for inviting me, Mr. President.
Bush: Would you like a corndog?
Pelosi: Yes, thanks.
Bush: Mustard?
Pelosi: No thank you.
Bush: I like to dip the corndog in the mustard.
Pelosi: I’m just not a big fan of mustard.
(long silence)
Bush: So . . . congratulations.
Pelosi: Thank you.
Bush: How’s that corndog?
Pelosi: Delicious.
Bush: Betcha can’t get corndogs like that in San Francisco.
Pelosi: Not really, no.
(long silence)
Pelosi: Um, Mr. President, may I raise an issue?
Bush: Sure. You can raise anything but my taxes! Heh-heh. Heh. Heh.
Pelosi: Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. Why don’t we meet again after the election results sink in a little more . . .
Bush: Are you cutting and running from this lunch?
Pelosi: I wasn’t planning on it . . .
Bush: Of course not. You don’t have a plan.
Pelosi: Yes, I do. It’s right here in my purse.
Bush: You’re kidding.
Pelosi: (rifling through her purse) Ah, here it is. (holds it in the air) My plan.
Bush: Can I see it?
Pelosi: Nope.
Bush: Why not?
Pelosi: Because you’re not being very nice.
Bush: Aw, hell, Nancy. I’m just funnin’ with ya. Let me see the plan.
Pelosi: Not until you ask for it nicely.
Bush: Does it tell us how to get out of Iraq?
Pelosi: You’ll never know.
Bush: C’mon, Nancy. Just give me the plan.
Pelosi: What’s the magic word?
Bush: I’m not five years old.
Pelosi: Ask for it nicely. Say, “Madame Speaker, may I please see that piece of paper?”
Bush: You’re not the Speaker yet.
Pelosi: Say it.
Bush: Fine, then. I don’t want to see your stupid plan.
Pelosi: Fine, then. I’ll just put it back in my purse.
(long silence)
Bush: I can’t believe you’re going to make me say it.
Pelosi: I can’t believe you don’t have a plan after being President for six years.
(long silence)
Bush: Fine. “Mrs. Speaker, may I please see that piece of paper.”
Pelosi: Yes, you may. Here it is.
Bush: What the hell is this?
Pelosi: It’s a subpoena. Next time lunch is at my place. Bring your lawyer.
Posted on November 9, 2006