Negative political ads will be on the air every second of every day between now and Election Day. Citizens are absorbing their messages.
Overheard in traffic
Woman: You can get in the next lane.
Man: I’m staying the course.
Woman: But this lane is at a standstill.
Man: I will not cut and run.
Woman: But see that orange flashing light up there . . . this lane closes in 500 feet. We need to change course.
Man: What kind of a message would that send to the troops repaving this highway?
Woman: How about we will not run you over?
Overheard in a couple’s master bathroom
Man: Honey, can you hand me the toothpaste?
Woman: Ray Miller is always looking for a handout.
Man: What? I just want to brush my teeth.
Woman: Ray Miller. Wrong for America. Wrong for my toothpaste.
Overheard in a child’s bedroom
Son: Mom, can I play on my Gameboy?
Mom: Have you finished your math homework?
Son: My opponent, Mrs. Nosenfunk, thinks that the only way to solve a problem, is to study it forever. The American people want action, not constant study.
Mom: Try this action . . . do your homework.
Overheard in the family room
Daughter: Dad, can you flip it to MTV?
Dad: The baseball game is on.
Daughter: Aren’t you tired of the same old empty promises? They don’t have a plan for victory.
Dad: Um . . .
Daughter: This year when you hold the remote, hold it accountable. It’s time for a change.
Dad: I’m not giving you the remote.
Overheard in an office
Worker: Boss, are you surfing the internet? I thought the Employee Manual said that . . .
Boss: I issued a signing statement.
Worker: A what?
Boss: A signing statement. That means I don’t have to follow the rules, only you do.
Worker: But that’s not fair.
Boss: War isn’t fair. I’m the Commander-in-Chief, and as long as we’re at war with ACME Corp., I have to have all the tools I need to win.
Worker: But you’re reading The Onion.
Boss: Until further notice you will be detained in your cubicle.
I’m Rick Kaempfer and I approved this message.
Posted on October 27, 2006