By Carl Mohrbacher
When can we expect Fukudome to start batting .245? Spring is almost here.
– Jon, Zion IL
Don’t rush him, he’s still adjusting to being a platoon player. Rudy Jaramillo has him in the cage every other day.
Alfonso Soriano already has six home runs. What’s gotten into him?
– Bill, Humboldt Park
Manny Ramirez’s urine.
When will Starlin Castro be moved to third in the lineup?
-Justin, Mokena IL
Not until his first slump of the season, when batting him first would be an embarrassment.
Even though the Cubbies had a losing road trip last week, it seemed like they were one or two pitches or clutch hits away from going 6-3. How close are they to being a good team?
-Stacy, Appleton WI
One or two pitchers and a clutch hitter.
How did Darwin Barney get his name?
-DeLino, Rockford IL
His parents were pioneers in the sociobiology of children’s TV.
Is Mike Quade really as nice as he seems?
– Annabelle, Bolingbrook IL
Only when Hendry keeps him medicated.
How many times will Carlos Pena strike out this season?
– Sam, Streeterville
As often as Steve Stone in the Viagra Triangle.
I forget: How did the Cubs acquire Jeff Baker?
– Jim, Lakeview
Through Central Casting; they asked for Anonymous Extra Second Baseman Number Two.
Aramis Ramirez looks slimmer this year. What happened?
– Sandy, Berwyn IL
A bout of contractitis.
How did the Cubs let Sam Fuld get away?
George, DeKalb IL
They needed to clear a roster spot for Jim Hendry’s incompetence.
–
Comments – and questions – welcome.
Posted on April 21, 2011