By The Beachwood Freshmen Affairs Desk
“Freshman hazing a tradition in Illinois General Assembly.”
We have some suggestions:
* Embarrass a freshman by making them complete an ethics course.
* Freshmen are required to wear Michael Madigan’s dirty laundry on the floor.
* Disable a freshman’s “Present” voting button.
* Assign a freshman to read a bill and report back to the caucus. Then pretend to care.
* Assign a freshman to cut Mike Madigan’s lunchtime apple.
* Force a freshman to accept a bribe and then rip off your shirt revealing a fake wire.
* Make freshman participate in a version of the Brewers sausage races but dressed up as bills instead.
* Cut the power to the offices of all freshmen who threaten to vote against ComEd’s bills.
* Fill with manure the offices of all freshmen who threaten to vote against the horse racing industry’s bills.
* Introduce freshmen to new deputy whips R.J. Vanecko and Angelo Torres.
* Assign a freshman to listen to all of the Blago tapes.
– Nick Shreders, Steve Rhodes
Comments welcome.
Posted on April 20, 2011