By Pat Bataillon
1. I got a new keyboard for my computer. My last keyboard was attacked by a glass of water that was sitting on my desk. I didn’t spill it on the keyboard because that is not covered by the warranty supplied by Apple. I went to the “genius bar” at the Apple Store this week to get my keyboard fixed. First off, I had no idea that there was a prerequisite to have half-grown facial hair and black hair in order to be considered a genius.
Second, after a long wait a genius finally notified me that my keyboard was not covered by the warranty. Now, I am obviously no genius because I shave regularly, but I could have just read that on the Apple website. The website informed me to go to the genius bar to have a genius look at the problem. I’m pretty sure it didn’t take a genius to finally solve my problem, but in any case I have a new keyboard and I’m back.
2. My girlfriend pointed out to me in a satirical fashion that Sweetest Day is this weekend. I am fortunate; my girlfriend sees this “holiday” as yet another way for Hallmark to make a buck and is completely down with a Sweetest Day boycott. Hallmark has made up plenty holidays like St. Valentines Day, Mothers Days, Fathers Day, etc., and those days are all great given that I have grown up with them, but Sweetest Day? This is the first I have ever heard about this holiday. I suppose that I am to celebrate the sweet people in my life. Well. you know what Hallmark, !#*% you. I celebrate all the people that I find sweet every day and I don’t need a day designated to do so. What a racket – inventing holidays to make money. Wait . . . hey, Hallmark, are you hiring?
3. Every first Saturday of November is “Send Pat Bataillon a Dollar Day,” and if you don’t you will ridiculed by your significant other for not doing so.
4. I cannot stress enough how much a guiding light my girlfriend is shining here for all you crazy women that are dropping hints and suggestions all over your soon-to-be-ex-boyfriends/husbands about Sweetest Day. It is a crock and should be boycotted. I look to her for support in my lowest times and she is always right. In this instance, I can’t see how she could be wrong.
5. I will write about television tomorrow so cool your jets.
6. I watched the Bears game and never lost hope.
7. Lou Piniella is happy to be in Chicago. Who wouldn’t be making $10 million?
That’s it, I’ll be back writing about television tomorrow. For now I have to continue to break in this keyboard. I just hope that that glass of water does not choose to attack like the last glass did last week. Water of mass destruction, I can’t believe that didn’t fly with the genius at the Apple store.
Posted on October 18, 2006