By Eric Emery
Let’s take stock of the first quarter of the season. Which teams are paying dividends for their fans? Which team is Jim Cramer yelling at you to sell? Which team dies before going to prison? Here are the first quarter results.
Surprisingly Good Returns: New Orleans. The feel-good story of the year. For now.
Recommendation: Sell.
Surprisingly Bad Returns: Pittsburgh. Baby Ben leads all starting QBs with fewest TD passes (0). Quarterbacks are like presidents – they get more credit than they should in good times and more blame than they should in bad times. Unlike presidents, though, quarterbacks don’t choose their cabinets. The Steelers’ running backs and receivers are about as competent as Rumsfeld and Rice. And the Steelers are spending far less than $8 billion a month for an offense that doesn’t work. More importantly, the Steelers have much more aptitude at making adjustments than the D.C. Elephants.
Recommendation: Buy.
Buying Super Bowl Tickets From a Broker: Raiders fans. Head Coach Art Shell is the Ted Danson of coaching. Much like Danson after Cheers, Shell enjoyed early success but fans realized over the long haul that he’s not that good. Having superior writing and Bo Jackson helped Danson and Shell overcome their own weaknesses. Much like Becker, this comeback experiment is doomed for failure.
Recommendation: Dump via Internet spam.
Buying Tickets to Miami: Bears fans. Who is going to stop the Bears? Ugh. It’s going to be a long year. I’m running out of material to tease the Bears. Can’t a Bears player fire a gun outside the Admiral Theater? How about killing a man just for snoring? Anything?
Recommendation: Stay away from Internet spam vacation packages.
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Here are the over- and under-hyped games of Week 6:
OverHyped: Oakland at Denver (Sunday night)
Advertisers pull commercials from a failing show. Do they do the same for failing football matchups? I hope NBC’s sales department covered their bases on this one.
NBC’s desperate touting of the “division rival” angle really means “We got nothing. One of these teams needs to be put asleep.”
Pick: Denver minus 15 points/Over 37 points.
UnderHyped: New York Giants at Atlanta
This promises to be the best game to watch this week because so much is at stake for two teams teetering between legitimate playoff aspirations and mediocrity. The Falcons bring their vaunted, Michael Vick-led running game to the fore, but the Giants’ 17th-ranked defense is a semi-respectable ninth against the run. On the other side of the ball, DE John Abraham is back to the field for the Falcons, making their very good defense even better. Combined with home-field advantage, this gives the Falcons an edge, though it’s a must-win for the Giants. The real drama may be whether the Giants self-destruct from dissension – or pull together and rise to the occasion.
Pick: Atlanta minus 3.5/Under 43 points.
Last Week: 3-3.
Season Record: 7-21-2.
Comment: Staying the course is working.
Catch up with Eric Emery’s horrible season-long picks in the Over/Under archive. And check in every week with his Blue & Orange Kool-Aid Report. Write Eric at Eric_Emery12345@yahoo.com. Shame him publicly in the Kool-Aid forum.
Posted on October 12, 2006