Chicago -
By Carl Mohrbacher
Before we take a quick look at the year that was, let’s talk about the game that just happened . . .
Mmmmm. On second thought, do we have to?
[Editor’s Note (shrug): I kinda want to pretend that game never happened.]
Noice.
You know the more the years go on, the more it seems like you’re starting to see things my way, buddy.
Posted on December 28, 2016
By Carl Mohrbacher
You gotta feel for Cre’Von LeBlanc. Apparently, even management did.
Coming off a big game against Detroit, the young player found himself on the ass end of another magical friggin’ Aaron Rodgers dart; a 60-yard pass to Jordy Nelson on 3rd-and-11 that set up a field goal in the 11th hour, 59th minute and 59th second of last Sunday’s game which damned the Bears to another loss.
Despite a valiant, 17-point fourth-quarter comeback, Chicago fell 30-27, and at first glance the blame fell squarely to LeBlanc, who was left alone in quarters coverage against Green Bay’s number one receiver.
Upon further review, one could argue that the defender should have received some safety help over the top.
Posted on December 22, 2016
By Carl Mohrbacher
I can’t figure out if the Bears are tantalizingly close to being good, or the Lions are just that close to being bad.
One thing is for certain: The Bears excel at losing close games.
Six of their 10 losses have been by one score or less.
We’ve seen comebacks fall short and leads blown late, but this loss was of the particularly painful variety in which a solid overall performance is marred by penalties.
The Bears committed them early, they committed them often, they committed them in the house, they committed them with a mouse, they committed them in a box and committed them with a Fox.
Posted on December 15, 2016
By Carl Mohrbacher
You win some, you lose some. And sometimes you lose when you win.
So say many a sportswriter throughout the Internet.
Despite a convincing victory against the 49ers on Sunday, the Bears managed to draw the ire of their fan base by lowering their chances for a top three pick in the 2017 draft.
Posted on December 8, 2016
By Carl Mohrbacher
While the Bears moved the football effectively against the Titans last Sunday, a historic case of the dropsies ultimately sunk what looked like a certain comeback win.
Sure, there were a couple of costly red zone turnovers that – if converted to points – would have eliminated the need for an epic comeback, but in this town those kind of mishaps are the stuff of QB normalcy.
This one stung a bit, but even so you had to marvel – well, “marvel” is a bit strong; maybe “raise an eyebrow” – at the performance of Matt Barkley, especially when you contrast Sunday’s loss against his other appearance this season.
Posted on November 30, 2016
By Carl Mohrbacher
Even though I’ve been rationing this type of turn-of-phrase throughout 2016, I’m going to exhaust snappy “50% of the game was really f-ing bad” themed one-liners sooner than I thought if this trend continues much longer.
Who knew that 11 weeks into the year, we’d have enjoyed exactly two complete efforts by the Bears – and that’s counting the wire-to-wire shitshow that was the loss to Tampa Bay on November 13th.
What else is there to say? Next week might be titled “Chicago Area Football Team Plays Game (Sigh).”
We’ll cover what worked in the first half in next section, but let’s take a minute to throw some shade at the Bears coaching staff.
Posted on November 23, 2016
By Carl Mohrbacher
I was just thinking to myself, “Self, we’ve had some tough losses in recent years, but it’s been awhile since we’ve had a totally unmitigated shit show.”
(Shrugs shoulders, grabs chicken wings, takes swig directly from box of wine and begins watching Bears vs. Bucs)
“The Bears are back, baby!” (chomp, chomp, glug, glug) “Jay Cutler is playing it smart, the running game is finally a legit threat and the defense is nearing full strength. It’s time to run the table! Playoffs, here we come!!! PA POW!!!!”
Posted on November 17, 2016
By Carl Mohrbacher
And so it begins – The Great Bear Tease of 2016.
Which should not be confused with the “Bear Tease 2016 New Year’s Eve Ass-travaganza” being held at Jackhammer on December 31st.
Coming into the season, many predicted that Chicago would get fat (record wise – though Mike Adams’ beard isn’t exactly slimming his face) thanks to a very weak schedule.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Let’s see, am I at 1,500 words yet?
Posted on November 9, 2016
By Carl Mohrbacher
I have two critiques of Brian Hoyer’s performance as a Bear: He is 30-years-old and his bones are susceptible to injury.
If he can overcome those two shortcomings, he should be an unstoppable force in 2017.
Posted on October 26, 2016
By Carl Mohrbacher
You can’t stop Arrelious Benn (I wish that would stop auto correcting to “Areolas Benn”), you can only hope to contain him . . . as well as his career has through Sunday. Benn’s fourth quarter TD reception was his seventh since 2012.
The late, demoralizing and ultimately deciding catch and (and run aaaaaand run) was a play that featured Tracy Porter falling down and the Bears safety help falling down on the job.
It shouldn’t have come to that.
What if I told you before this game that the Bears would dominate the time of possession, Brian Hoyer would throw for over 300 yards, Connor Barth would make all of his field goal attempts and the Chicago’s defense would hold the Jacksonville Jaguars scoreless through three quarters?
Posted on October 20, 2016
